The Mistery of Belicena Villca Matter appeared to be subordinate to me . There was an idea floating in the air , flowing equally from all things , which I perfectly grasped and which could translate more or less like this : – Now you are a God and nothing and no one can resist Your Will . What happened here is a sample of Your terrible Power ! -- This concept defines the “ new sense ” that , as I mentioned at the beginning , seemed now to acquire Matter by effect of the Vision : it existed , therefore , the manifest intention of causally connecting the earthquake with my recent spiritual rapture . But I was not fooled . I sensed in that idea a trap of the Powers of Matter , a temptation , which for the moment was not clear but on which , later on , I would stop to reflect in depth .
Essentially , then , nothing had changed inside of me , but I would never be the same again : only the relationship of forces maintained by the Spirit and the Soul was disrupted by the effect of the extra volitional force contributed by the Virgin of Agartha . By regaining consciousness about the reality of the World , after seeing the Divine Image , my Self was able to dominate the animic nature with singular power , in a way that I had never achieved before , after years of yogistic practices of concentration and mind control ; and was not willing to lose such power , that the roles were reversed and the Self was left again submitted to the desires of the Soul . But that would not happen , I could say for sure , because it was evident that not only the Self came out strengthened from the spiritual rapture but that the Soul was permanently weakened into what constituted her own essence : the feelings and emotions , the love of life and the things of life , the good heart that had always manifested and that prevented more than once that I used violence to solve the problems that hindered my way , all these warm passions and many more , were rapidly cooling , flickered and died like the candle flame that has consumed its bait . Certainly , if I were forced to synthesize the new state of my being , I would say that it was something very similar to rebirth : yes ; I am not afraid to affirm it , despite being a Psychiatrist and also a cultured man . Although this is unacceptable for official orthodoxy , I could not deny what I certainly experienced , and that had already produced an appreciable transformation in my behavior : it was remarkable to almost everyone who knew me , and that ' s why they came as a post-seismic shock ; that I " suffered " a kind of psychological regression . Suddenly I was " as a child ": " I laughed for whatever reason " and it seemed that " nothing mattered ”, such the reproaches of friends and relatives , that revealed the particular regressive change of my character . But I was also becoming cruel and ruthless , this I knew myself but did not reproach myself , because , as never before , I despised my life and life in general . I want to clarify that “ as never ” means “ as never as an adult " since , and this I knew professionally , children , as well as reborn Self , were capable of killing without prejudice or remorse .
Perhaps , during that spiritual rapture , in that infinite instant , I really died and resuscitated at its end , which implies a paradox because it cannot finish what has no end , an instant that would be eternally present in my Spirit . This being so , the infantile change of character , the strengthened volitional force , the feelings that died , the desires that were quenched , the heart that hopelessly cooled , the feeling of rebirth , the spiritual security of feeling saved , close to the definitive liberation from material ties , everything would be explained assuming that true spiritual life continued in the realm of the rapture , from which I never left or would ever leave , that is , in the Infinite , and that this apparent Life , lived at the “ end ” of what cannot end , was in effect a form of death , a non-existent but inevitable spiritual illusion . Perhaps , indeed , I was really dead and because of that condition I no longer feared anything alive ; and a lot less to Death . Perhaps it was all the product of that mysterious seed that the Virgin of Agartha released into the Eye of Fire of the Spirit . I still couldn ' t know it . But the truth , the concrete , was that I had received the spiritual help requested , that , dead or reborn , I felt joyful and courageous , that I did not fear Death nor was I afraid of killing , and that I felt that , strangely , my Self was part of the actual Infinity : yes , unequivocally , I felt indeterminate on the side of the Self ; everything the Universe contained , including my own biological life , and the Universe itself , were limited and perishable : this was the finite side of my being , the Illusion ; but now I knew with certainty that an endless abyss opened in the Self : this was the Infinite side of my being , the Truth .
Perhaps it is partly understood what I then experienced by resorting to a metaphor .
Imagine a person used to living in a beautiful and lonely forest . The days pass there smoothly , without too many surprises , and , if the struggle for life imposes a permanent alert , this same persistence keeps attention within constant levels and , at last , routinely .
It seems that this man " dominates the situation " of his daily life . Nearby , serene and tame , the lake offers the sporadic pleasure of a refreshing and restorative bath . But the lake is not a safe place in which to stay for a long time , like the forest .
The water does not have the firmness of the land and to sustain in it it is necessary to have a certain control , a certain extra attention , demand that finally ends up tiring the man . That is why the visits to the lake are regulated for the need to fish or the pleasure of bathing . One day this man , by
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