I have been talking about doing physical changes, and losing weight is part of physical changes, but what about changes on the inside. That is a reinvention of you too. Am I the same person I was 7 years ago, when I first arrived in Cleveland, no. Am I the same woman 4 years ago who was going through a divorce and was lost, no. I have evolved. I stated I merely existed the last four years, but in that time in the quest to get myself back. I was reinventing myself inwards. I took the time off from dating; I really need to get myself back. I feel now I am ready to date again, and I am starting in that direction. To get to that point, I had to reinvent myself from the inside. I needed to be me, but I also needed my inner diva to emerge.
To get her to emerge, I had to dig deep, what did I like about me, what needed changed, what needed to be fined tuned. One the big things I had to realize are that I am a beautiful girl. I did not think I was, again that had to do with the emotional and mental abuse I went through in the marriage. My ex would not let me tell people we were married. In fact in the 2.5 years we were married we went out in public a total of 4 times, he would not do anything with me. He used tell me I didn’t know how to dress, put on makeup. He would make me weigh myself every day and document it. He basically told me I was too ugly to be his wife. I was proud to be his wife, but he was not proud to have me as his wife. I was never put on a pedestal like I deserved. I later found out, after our divorce, he was dating a nurse at the hospital he was a resident at, while we were married, she was thin and blond. No one even knew he was married. She had no issues about having the affair with him; she wanted to marry a doctor. I did catch them towards the end of my marriage, when I came home, I was supposed to go to Pittsburgh, but had to come home. She was on top of him. The story I was told by him was that her roommate had an out of town visitor and she had nowhere to