All that was lost in 30 seconds
Niah Aldave
I see myself as a different person now. I can't relate to the bubbly person I once was. This day was the first day it happened. This was the first day that changed my life…
Still trembling, still wiping away tears from my puffy skin. The sounds of cheering and applause grow louder as I shuffle down the hallway. I can just about feel the vibrations from the gym buzzing underneath my feet. Walking through the large double-grey doors, I can see a mob of people of all ages. I sit on the silver folding chairs that are designated for my volleyball team. I’m already in uniform; black knee pads, a white cotton t-shirt. Spandex shorts I wish were longer, especially to cover what he touched. Consumed with hurt just picturing his cold minacious hands reaching out towards me. I was suffocating in my formerly trust-loving environment.
I don’t want to be on the bench. Just sitting here is permitting all the unwanted memories to invade my mind. I don’t want to think about it, not now, not ever. It hurts too much. Trying to mask all the damage and present a jovial presence, I run onto the court feeling more exposed than ever. Nonetheless, I hear the whistle and my thoughts vanish. The game has begun.
I’m filled with the adrenaline of the sport I adore. Surrounded by the people I love, my fellow teammates are in blue and white. Looking around, seeing their faces; so untroubled with their beaming smiles. Ignorant of the torture I am going through. I need to fight back, to hit something, his face, his hands, him. Redeem me from when I turned into a statue and let it happen.
The neon orange scoreboard is constantly changing. A point, then another, then another. The ball goes back and forth. On our side, then their side on repeat, flip-flopping like my thoughts. Should I have reported it? Or not?
My team is in sync. We move together like tulips blowing in the wind. Gathering all the disgusting emotions I now feel because of him, I hit the ball harder than I’ve ever hit anything before. And for the first time, we won.