The Soft Issue
August 2017
Stories From Within
He knows all
mathematics formula
by heart and with
his woolly hair like
that of Baba Soyinka
he gives the perfect
definition to all
ambiguous words.
THE
PhD
HOLDER
That knotty assignment your lecturer gave you?
Take it to him in humility and your problem is
solved. Although, you might sometimes have
conditions attached like preparing his next meal
or helping him with transport fare whenever he
wants to visit his friend, Kenny, at Taiwo road.
He does not just define, he gives scholarly
definitions. When asked how he knew things this
much, he repeats his slogan “I did my findings” in
an aggressive manner.
By: Omolola Saka
I
t is a cool Wednesday morning at Tanke-Bubu,
Ilorin. The time is just 7:15am. The early morning
weather can propel you to dream land again
and again. Outside poured the rain. It was snug
and comfortable in bed. I did not want to get up
and I might decide not to because it is my lecture
free day.
The atmosphere was still not very bright. The
dark clouds and the pouring rain kept the sky
looking drab and grey. Notwithstanding the
sound the rain produced, the noise from his radio
still overshadowed it. It was as though a bee was
buzzing in my ear.
Last Monday, when I saw him dress corporate, I
raised my hopes again only for me to get to the
end of the street and find him there again. Why
does he go through such stress every day? Did
Emeka give his customers the mandate to dress
this way before coming to his stand? Even if it is
Monday morning and your dress sense counts, it
is not up to knotting a tie just to sit at a newspaper
stand all day.
Pitifully, I stare at the book a friend gave me “How
to Correct a Disturbing Neighbour.” I remember
I have not touched it ever since I got it. Then I
imagined a newly wedded couple; the man who
having not touched his wife for months. Still
feeling sleepy, I dozed off.
I sighed as I took hurried steps to the junction. He
is the old school kind of person with his ringtone
still Olu Maintain’s “Yahooze”. Segun wire the
Walai talai mofe ma sha sheh crooner’s video the
only new school music on his phone coupled with
his green turn white T-shirt with the inscription
“frustration makes illegal legal” which he rocks
almost every Saturday. I am scared he has finally
made up his mind.
Deafening was the sound that sprang me back to
life. I sighed! If it would not be impolite, I would
just offer to get him a new radio even if it would
cost me my weekly allowance.
Who would have bet that in some minutes he
would be seen outside waving to every Tom, Dick
and Harry going to their workplace while arguing
at the newspaper stand? Only he knows the in
and out of the country’s politics.
It is now 7:42am and the noise from the radio is
becoming really annoying. I made for the door to
inform him of the situation. But his move was the
fastest as I immediately recognise the voice to
the hand knocking on my door.
He has turned a teacher to all the students in
the neighborhood. He knows all mathematics
formula by heart and with his woolly hair like that
of Baba Soyinka he gives the perfect definition
to all ambiguous words. You dare not argue with
him, he is no respecter of any co-debater!
“Lola come and help me buy sugar”.
It is him! It is Broda Kolade! It is the PhD holder!
And I am tempted to ask if it is for tea or garri.
21
the
LENS