Healthy
It wasn’t more than a day after
Christmas that I saw pink and red
hearts at a local discount store. While
Valentine’s Day is far away from
December 26, love is what we market
after the hoopla of Christmas. Winter
can be long without trademark holidays to look forward to.
And February is here. Love is in
the air. Everywhere you turn, it’s about
love. When thinking about Love, several images come to mind. For many,
it’s an idyllic picture of a couple from a
movie, a romantic novel, or a love song.
It’s a sunset scene on a beach, sealed
with a kiss, partners walking off into
the horizon.
Reality check ... that’s not real love.
It’s an image. Perceptions and expectations of what love is can wreak havoc
in relationships. Real life doesn’t occur
on the beach.
Love isn’t a scene. It’s something
with many facets needing to be cultivated. Lasting love doesn’t happen
overnight. Healthy relationships, like
anything worthwhile, take work. Hard
work.
When putting two people together
Hearts
?Healthy
Homes
by Brenda Yoder, MA,
Counselor & Education Consultant for Elijah Haven Crisis Intervention Center
in a relationship, many factors affect a
commitment to love one another. The
image of love says “if the other person
loves me, he or she will……” This image
is self-focused and conditional. The
foundation of healthy love is mutual
respect, care, and honor of one another. Given each person’s background,
personality, and temperament, the idea
of caring for, respecting, and honoring one another becomes complicated
when the sunset fades away.
One instrumental facet to understanding love is the concept of Love
Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Dr.
Chapman presents five love languages
that identify how we speak and feel
love. These include quality time, words
of encouragement, physical touch
and closeness, gift giving, and acts of
service. For one person, words of encouragement may be their primary love
language, whereas their partner might
have physical touch and closeness as
the way they feel loved. Understanding
these languages helps couples sidestep
misunderstandings that can cause
roots of bitterness in relationship. If a
person needing encouragement rarely
hears words of affirmation, they can
feel unloved by their spouse, just as
one needing a touch of the hand or a
daily kiss may feel unloved when these
things are lacking. This book is highly
recommended to couples of any age. It
gives a layer of understanding we don’t
find in romance novel or on WBTU. It’s
good stuff.
Elijah Haven Crisis Intervention
Center is a community agency assisting
those affected by physical, emotional,
mental, or sexual abuse in relationships. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness month. Prevention of
unhealthy relationships is the true intervention for eliminating relationship
abuse. Breaking stereotypes, providing
education, and places for support is
crucial in preventing hurtful relationships. Relationships incurring abuse
began at one point with a kiss…….
perhaps even on a beach…..with two
people thinking of love. Let’s begin the
discussion that healthy relationships
go far beyond a sensational feeling
we call love, and are rooted in mutual
respect, care, and honor.
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The Hometown Treasure · Feb. ‘12 · pg 41