12. Do you have any regrets, anything in life that you wish you could do differently?
Naturally, people expect me to say “NO… I’m who I am today because of it all.” However, in being honest with myself, YES! I regret somebody had to die for me to stop using crack cocaine and finally get away from my abuser. I wish I had never given up on becoming a surgeon. I regret I didn’t respect that moment of choice when I tried cocaine for the first time and wish I could get those ten years back! I wish I would have learned much earlier in life that I didn’t need to be a people-pleaser and that would never make me happy because I could never please everybody. I wish I would have learned about and created healthy boundaries as a teenager. I regret putting my family through so much pain and grief during my ten year craziness as a run-a-way mom. I regret the three abortions I had during my addiction. I regret not being true to that little country girl deep inside of me. Instead, I let what other people said about me shape who I thought I was.
At the end of the day, if being honest with ourselves, we all have regrets and wish we could have done things differently, but we can’t change time so why dwell on the “should have, could have, would haves?” Instead, I embrace who I am BECAUSE of it all…good and bad. I now value those hard life lessons I learned and try and help ease a little suffering with my experiences. It is what it is, now I am making the best of it.
13. How do you want to be remembered?
I want to be remembered as somebody that found beauty in ashes, no matter what. I want to be remembered as a positive influence on others and that their lives were better for knowing me and I instilled an attitude of gratitude in them. I want to be remembered as laughter, the warm feeling of a sunray, and unconditional love.