The Gay UK December 2015 | Page 129

MIND Affirmations: Reach out: Build your self esteem by positive affirmations. Search books on the internet for positive quotes, poems and songs about gay life and repeat these to yourself as often as you feel necessary. Memorise them if needed. As said earlier it is important to get to know other LGBT people be it in person or online. You don't need to go to clubs or bars immediately, that can be scary. Try to find an LGBT support group, a book-club or even a fitness club. People often think they immediately have to go to clubs and sometimes this scares them: Clubs are fun, but not the only place to meet with other LGBT members. Tolerance: This one might seem odd: why would you tolerate those that do not tolerate you? Well, it just makes things easier. If you are forced to put up with people at work or intolerant neighbours there is merit in the old practise of “letting the idiot talk”. As long as someone is not harming you or have it in for you personally, let people spill their bile and ignore it. Often people are so fixed in their opinions that it is a waste of time to get upset about it or to try and change them. Smile, think of something else, pity the fool and then carry on with your day. If you’re forced to put up with people at work or intolerant neighbours there’s merit in the old practise of “letting the idiot talk” Read and watch: Seek out videos, books and articles of other people that describe their journey and follow the advise that speaks to you. Even if you do not care for any of the advise given, it is good to take comfort in the fact that there are others like you out there that took the same journey and made it. Don't expect too much: People often think that once they set out on the scene and come out to their friends and family everything will be different, a new life starts and it will be wonderful. Sadly no, these sparkling coming out movies are just that: movies. It takes time to find your way in the scene, to meet someone and build a life. Also you will have to come out more than once: you will have to come out to every new person that becomes part of your life and you will continue to get into situations where you face prejudice and homophobia. If you accept these possibilities and try to make the most of the good things in life everything else will come easily. Dannii Cohen is a psychologist, counsellor and author specialised in LGBT issues. THEGAYUK | ISSUE 17 | DEC 2015 129