This recent round was brought on by the holidays. My script was due for a refill on Thanksgiving Day, which also marked the 10th anniversary of my husband’ s passing. As the days between me and my refill passed, I experienced both relief that my release was near, and regret for letting this happen again, along with a bit of dread about what’ s to come. I reminded myself that this is a temporary time of discomfort to achieve my greater good.
Once I got to the city, I slipped on a loose walkway and broke my foot, which kept me in town on a friend’ s couch for detox.
I am a lot older now, and age does matter. Everything is harder when you’ re old— sigh— let the games begin.
The Opening
“ Though I walk through the valley of the shadow …” key word through. Do not pitch a tent.
On the second or third night without substances, sleep is elusive. Detach. We don’ t need to sleep right now, no matter how much we think we do. The blessing of the endgame is natural sleep. It will come. We need to lie down every night and go through the motions of sleep. This is when our spirit guides come to us, so stay alert.
Sleeplessness causes a change in consciousness. The spiritual energy of the Kundalini starts in our pelvis and races up our spine, leading to spontaneous breathing and stretching, opening each chakra along the way. Here, we begin to experience the blessings of purification through cosmic energy. Do not waste it.
The Middle Game
Somewhere between days five and seven, sleep descends, jolting us awake as our body drifts into sleep. During the first few nights, I dreamed I fell through a floor, flailing and shouting. It’ s a very vivid feeling. I woke drenched in sweat, but grateful to finally sleep. Change clothes, repeat.
Sleep, when it occurs, is often accompanied by night sweats that are part of our body’ s natural detox process, expelling toxins. The more times we sleep, the more we tend to sweat. I suggest keeping a stack of T-shirts and towels next to the bed, along with plenty of water.
Our bodies have figured out that we won’ t need to metabolize any more substances, and our liver celebrates. We begin the smelly process of back flushing our vital organs. During this phase, a UTI is common. To prevent it, drink water, cranberry juice, and bone broth. Nutrition is crucial for a successful detox, but since our bodies are working hard, keep it light.
The End Game
By week two, we start reestablishing our circadian rhythms, stretching out sleep to three, then four hours. After a few interesting weeks, we’ re lying down and falling asleep at night all on our own. Victory dance!
Purging occurs around week three. We have an organic energy, and while we were in the shadows, crap piled up around us. In 2003, I threw away 20 trash bags of stuff. This time, I’ m in the city at a buddy’ s house with a busted foot, and I have nothing to purge. I guess I could go through photos and delete 10,000 pictures, but yuck.
Follow Up
Wanting to numb ourselves is very human. We seek relief from pain and often don’ t distinguish between emotional, physical, or spiritual pain. We just want the pain to stop.
This past Fall was tough. I turned 70, and a week later, our( should have been) 50th anniversary, followed by my husband’ s birthday, Thanksgiving, and the 10th anniversary of his passing. I’ m not going to blame myself for retreating into the shadows again. I have a broken heart, and there are side effects. Instead, I will offer myself all the gentleness of the deer and love myself through this, refraining from judgment of myself or others.
Sacrifice always has a blessing. We aren’ t motivated to heal in exchange for a blessing; the blessing is a side effect of healing.
Going into the New Year, I wish you all a healthy and joy-filled 2026. I hope this guide helps some of you. We are all worth saving. It may seem like we are saving ourselves, but many toggles and countless chess pieces had to come into play in our game of life to bring us to this healing.
Just say,“ Thank you, Jesus!”
Dolores Montgomery Halbin, RN, BSN, and Ordained Nurse Minister, resides in SW Missouri. After her husband passed in 2015, she retired from nursing. She worked with the 2014-2018 Missouri campaigns for legalized medical marijuana. She continues as a cannabis reform activist working toward Federal decriminalization through educational speaking and freelance journalism. Doloreshalbin @ gmail. com.
January 2026 2026 33