Reflections ~
When Weed Wasn’ t Enough:
The Path Out of the Shadows by Dolores Halbin, RN, BSN, contributing writer
I know I am not the only one who believed, in my heart of hearts, that cannabis was the cure-all, and once we had an abundant source of legal cannabis, other drugs and alcohol would disappear entirely. We have definitely seen a decline in substance use. According to a 2025 Gallup poll, only 54 % reported using alcohol, down from 67 % in 2022. Other substances on the decline are waiting for solid research.
Cannabis is a gateway drug to healing and overcoming substances that can hurt and kill us, improving our quality of life exponentially. Cannabis has shown to help reduce seizures and other addictions, but it is not a cure-all. For roughly 50 % of us, cannabis hasn’ t been enough, and I find myself squarely in that bullseye.
Let the games begin.
Maybe it was the shortening of daylight that sucked me back into a bottle of Xanax. It started getting dark at 4 p. m., and by 6, I just wanted to sleep. The classic use / abuse of Xanax is taking a pill, forgetting that we took a pill, taking another pill, and so on, until I really was hibernating like a bear.
My neuroscientist niece once told me, Xanax wipes out every fourth thought. In my case, that fourth thought was where I left my phone, and, truth be told, the constant irritation of searching for the damn thing became a positive motivator toward ultimate sobriety. We get so disgusted with ourselves that we can’ t stand to be around ourselves. And guess what? Nobody else can either.
The biggest illusion of addiction is thinking nobody notices we are living in the shadows.
Even the bear must come up for air.
It only took me three months to get here. One prescription with two refills later, I have realized,“ One’ s too many, and a million’ s not enough.”
If I ever crawl back into a bottle of pills again, I will accept that this is my life. At 70, I do not have another detox in me. In the meantime, I have found company this time around, with one of my dear friends going through the same process, only from a Kratom-type product called 7-OH. It’ s an unregulated, untested product sold at the gas stations, liquor stores, smoke shops, and other business. Federal and state authorities are currently working to ban its sale. 7-OH, is both a stimulant and a depressant that can cause a gnarly detox.
Talking to my friend, we were able to identify some stages of detox. From the 24-hour days and sweat-filled nights, we all go through the same basic metamorphosis.
The Game
The desire for healing comes from deep within us. Like a fleeting thought, a whisper of a prayer we scarcely believe will be answered, we don’ t even voice it. It is the song of the soul.
What happens next, my inspired son calls“ toggles.” I call it God’ s Chess game. I Googled the thought,“ God is the Master Chess player.” Sure enough, I’ m not alone in my brilliance. Back in the 1960s, C. S. Lewis wrote an essay,“ God as the Master Chess Player.”
My God likes to use the weather, holidays, road trips, and anything his / her creative team can think of to get the game started.
I’ ve been down this road before.
On Chinese New Year, February 2002, I hit a deer. Several ruptured discs later, I woke up to the Chinese New Year 2003. Realizing I had been in shadowland for a year led me to make that soul song, silent pleading, a prayer to heal.
God heard my prayers, and on the very day I was supposed to get my prescriptions filled, he dropped several inches of sleet on the parking lot at work. The storm had a one-mile radius, so it was hard not to see it as a God thing. I wasn’ t going anywhere, so— detox, here we go!
Acceptance
My second detox was in 2017, during a ten-day visit to Northern California to see my daughter. I had disappeared into a bottle of Valium and many bottles of red wine. Again, I came by it honestly. I had barely survived that first long, cold winter alone without my husband.
32 January 2026