Rainmakers
Seven Relationship Lies- And Rules To Replace Them On Valentine’ s Day
By Dr. Clifford Ferguson
I usually write strictly about professional relationships, but today, I want to share seven Valentine’ s Day lies- and the relationship rules to replace them.
Culture promotes many misleading ideas about what makes for successful personal or romantic relationships. Popular concepts like the need to“ just be yourself” or“ move on if your needs aren’ t being met” can actually be destructive. improves your understanding of the things in life or at work that are important to both of you.
Do you try to impress others with your facile wit, amazing job, and easy answers- or do you draw them into a vibrant conversation that leaves them wanting more, not less of you?( Of course, this rule applies to professional relationships- including with clients- as well!). leisurely evening asking them about their dreams, hopes, and fears? Have you thought about how you can help them accomplish their most important priorities?
Lie No 3:“ You must believe in and affirm yourself.”
Valentine’ s Day Rule: The greatest gift is to believe in the other person
Some of these seven rules apply to new relationships, while others are especially relevant if you have a long-term partner.
Lie No 1:“ Cleverness and charm are essential to attract others.”
Valentine’ s Day Rule: Great relationships start with great conversations, not one person showing the other how much they know.
This may surprise many, but your date- or whoever you’ re with over dinner- wants to have a conversation, not listen to you talk about yourself for two hours. A great conversation helps you learn more about the other person. It establishes commonalities, which drive rapport. It
Lie No 2:“ Focus on your own needs, and make them clearly known to your partner. Ensure you’ re with someone who will meet them.”
Valentine’ s Day Rule: Know the other person’ s goals and dreams and help them accomplish those aspirations.
Contemporary therapists emphasize making your needs known to your partner. That’ s fine up to a point- you certainly don’ t want to be a doormat. But relationship building really starts when each individual tries to understand the other person’ s needs, priorities, and dreams.
Do you really know what’ s on your partner’ s agenda for this year? Have you spent a
To grow and reach their fullest potential, people need both truth and love. Complete acceptance of another person’ s behavior is not love. It’ s abdication of your responsibility as a loving partner. Who is actually going to tell you when you’ ve stepped over a line or acted selfishly?
Ever since the 1960s, it’ s been a truism that you cannot love others if you don’ t love yourself. That’ s probably true in the sense of having confidence in yourself, but our culture has pushed this idea into the realm of self-absorption. The fact remains that one of the most powerful gifts you can give your partner is your unequivocal belief in them.
Ask any successful entrepreneur who’ s had to claw their way to success against great odds- they will often point to a spouse or parent or mentor who deeply and consistently believed in them.
When the young Beatles faced stiff odds at getting a recording contract- they were turned down by almost every record company in the UK- they had one person who resolutely and totally believed in them: their manager, Brian Epstein, who told anyone who would listen that they would be‘ bigger than Elvis.” It’ s a powerful gift to believe in your partner- or a good friend- and express that belief consistently and repeatedly.
Do those closest to you feel that you unequivocally believe in them?
Lie No 4:“ There’ s something magical about first impressions- you can tell
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