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February 20 , 2025 The Beacon • 29
Stimming is a part of life for those with autism
Many years ago I attended an Autism Society of America conference in Chicago . If you have been to many conferences or any type of long meeting , you know that by the end of the day ( or in this case , end of the second day ), you are just putting in time until you can leave . You are tired of sitting , and in my case , new friends were going to take me to Navy Pier as soon as the day was over .
The last speaker of the day was Dr . Jim Ball . I ’ ll be honest : Even though he was a behavior specialist and I knew I needed the information , my main thought was wondering how long I needed to stay in order to get my full day certificate . Let me just say this — an hour and a half later , I couldn ’ t believe his time was up and I had to leave .
When Dr . Ball stepped on the stage , his first words were something like “ Everyone in this room has a stimming ( self-stimulation ) problem .” The whole place ( about 300 people ) looked at each other like “ Oh man , this guy isn ’ t gonna be worth listening to .” Then Dr . Ball asked , “ How many of you , right now , are tapping your pencils ? Twirling your hair ( me )? Swinging your foot ( also me )? Those are all stimming behaviors — only socially acceptable ones .”
He had my attention and everyone else ’ s in the room . I had never thought about what I did to control myself in public or when I ’ m bored . When my hair was longer , I twirled it around my fingers as I concentrated . I swing my foot all the time . I rock back and forth , though I think this one may be learned from watching Casey . I play with my phone . I twist my fingers together .
Who else taps their shopping cart while they wait in line ? Anyone else fold their legs or feet under them while they sit ? Some people crack their knuckles . Others tap their toes . Still others swirl their drinks in their cups . And I know many of you stare at your phones .
So why in the world is it OK for us “ normal ” people to self-stim and it isn ’ t for people with autism ? I know people who chew gum all the time ( deep pressure on the jaw ), but if you see someone with autism with a sensory chewy necklace , it is inappropriate . The reason is simple : We have learned what is socially acceptable , and people with autism have not . Or they have and they don ’ t care .
When Casey has to wait for anything , she sways back and forth , gently . She doesn ’ t bump into people and isn ’ t very obvious about it , but she needs that comfort . People often stare at her , so many times , I join in . Let them look . My daughter and I are having a quiet moment together , and I don ’ t care what they think .
Rob is a little more obvious about his rocking . He is a lot taller than her , so that gets attention , anyway , but he also hums while he rocks . His rocking isn ’ t a smooth back and forth . He jerks around at times . But again , he isn ’ t hurting anyone , and I can stare right back at anyone who dares to stare at him .
I ’ ve heard people say we need to teach people with autism to be more socially acceptable in their stimming . I want to know why . Personally , sitting near a woman who is clicking her nails together drives me up the wall , yet that is acceptable and rocking isn ’ t . Who decides what is OK and what isn ’ t ?
As a parent we want our kids to be accepted by everyone , but the reality is even if your child was typical , there will be people who do not accept them . I know there are people who , for reasons I don ’ t even know , I don ’ t like . And I ’ m sure there are people who don ’ t like me . So why do we fight so hard for our kiddos to give up a stim they need ?
Your child doesn ’ t need everyone to like them . They need your love and your acceptance . There are some stimming behaviors that should be curbed when they
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Applications are due Friday , May 9 . Applying does not guarantee acceptance . Once notified , accepted vendors must pay a $ 150 fee and are in public , but you can teach them that behavior is a “ home ” stim . No , it isn ’ t easy , but neither is toilet training , and we do it . Be consistent and be kind . Your child can learn !
After listening to Dr . Ball that afternoon almost 20 years ago , my thoughts on self-stimming behavior have changed drastically . I don ’ t try to stop the kids but redirect if needed . Most of the time , I ’ ve been lucky their stims have been odd looking but not inappropriate .
Flapping hands and twirling around seem to be big stims for many people on the spectrum . It may be hard to watch others look at your child , but your child probably isn ’ t paying any attention to them anyway . The stares are hurting you , not them . Stare right back . Glare if you want . Remember people stare at typical kids too . It ’ s just part of being a rude person , and you can ’ t change it .
I heard some people in a restaurant complaining about a child at the table next to theirs . The little one obviously had a disability — not sure if it was autism but probably — and was staring at an iPad while waiting for his food . He wasn ’ t moving around . He wasn ’ t making a sound . This couple was making loud comments about parents who can ’ t even take their kids out in public without giving the child something to entertain themselves .
submit a certificate of insurance . Registered 501 ( c )( 3 ) organizations may participate at no cost ( verification of nonprofit registration required ). Vendors are responsible for complying with the Licking County Health Department and must be set up by 3 p . m . for a health inspection .
For more information email Laura Walsh at walsh . 276 @ mail . cotc . edu or call 740-364-9514 .
Their comments went on to say they never had to take electronics for their kids — they were taught to sit and wait . And blah blah — you know the drill . Meanwhile , as they are complaining about this boy and his iPad , they are both staring at their phones . What is the difference ? Besides the little boy wasn ’ t bothering anyone and their comments were mean and hurtful to the family ? If you can sit at the table with your phone , then someone else can use an iPad . Pretty simple to me .
I bet even as you read this , you are stimming . Think about it . Are you playing with your hair ? Rubbing your leg ? Tapping your foot ? It is OK to self-stim . We just need to help our kids find a stim that helps them , and often , they find it themselves . I never taught Casey or Rob — they just do what they need to do to feel comfortable in an insane world . Self-stimulation can occur for many reasons . We can do it to “ wake ” up or to calm our bodies . It may provide some sort of internal pleasure . Casey and Rob often use stimming to calm themselves when they are becoming overwhelmed . The faster Rob rocks , the more overwhelmed he is getting , and I know I need to remove him from the situation or provide deep pressure to help calm his body .
You may consider talking to a behavior specialist if your child ’ s stimming seems to be out of control . I have listened to Dr . Ball several times , and I am still learning from him . His presentations are never boring . Your school district can contact a behavior specialist — districts often have behavior specialists contracted for services throughout the school year — if you feel the need . Your doctor also may be able to recommend one .
Remember don ’ t try to stop the stimming without replacing it with something else . I can almost bet your child will find another stim , and it may not be something you want to deal with . If you would like to learn more about our local support group , follow ASK Autism on Facebook . To learn more about autism , visit Facebook / Autism Apples Koolaid .
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