December 30 , 2021 The Beacon • 21
Remembering Tree : Where grief and joy live together
By Tara Gracyk
The holidays can be a time of love , laughter , traditions and memory making , but they also can be extremely difficult to get through , especially if you have lost a loved one . Death and grief are a part of life , and they exist even on holidays . Unfortunately , so many people have lost loved ones this year , but one family has found a way to honor their loved one while embracing Christmas .
Doug and Judy Ugie lost their son , Taylor , in spring of this year . Taylor was a national honors student who had gone to college and was holding down a job , in spite of a 10-year battle with drug addiction . When he had to undergo open heart surgery after surviving sepsis , the doctors said it was text book and successful . However , the family was warned that if Taylor went back to abusing drugs in the same manner he had been , he would not survive it . Taylor remained drug free for a few months post surgery , until he was enticed back into that lifestyle .
On May 11 , 2021 , the Ugie family experienced a loss like they had never experienced before . “ Losing our son has taught us about compassion and about really feeling other people ’ s pain ,” Judy said .
Often people express their sympathy and think they know how someone mourning the loss of a loved one feels , but you never really feel the pain until you experience it yourself .
It has been a year of unimaginable heartbreak , amazing miracles , growth and hope for the Ugies . Yes , they lost their son Taylor , but they have another son , daughter-in-law and three grandchildren , plus countless other family members who they are choosing to focus on .
“ We do not want to get so caught up in the grief that we forget to focus on the everyday blessings and on those who are still with us ,” Judy said .
“ This year we are first and foremost focusing on God because he has given us so many answers to so many prayers that we have prayed about our son , and we have experienced so many miracles . We know where our son is , and even though we have lost him , he isn ’ t really lost , and we will see him again someday ,” Judy said . “ There will be tears , and we will remember him . Then we will be focusing on the family that is still here with us — our three grandchildren , our son and our daughter-in-law .
“ It is important to do things for those who are still here , to let them know you love them and cherish them even in your grief , to make those who will be with us feel important and special . For us , we will continue with our tradition of Donald ’ s Donuts and breakfast casserole . We have two jelly-filled doughnuts ordered . They were Taylor ’ s favorite . One of the doughnuts we will cut up and share , and the other one will be left on the plate in remembrance of him .”
In another effort to remember their son during the holidays while still celebrating the holidays , the Ugie family has been thoughtfully busy decorating a very special tree . The tree is found on state Route 60 . It is actually sitting on Ronnie Scurlock ’ s property . For over a year , it has had
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In another effort to remember their son during the holidays while still celebrating the holidays , Doug and Judy Ugie have been busy decorating a very special tree .
a silver ornament adorning it . Early in December the Ugies noticed a train ornament had been placed on the tree , and they took that as a sign to proceed with making this particular tree a remembering tree .
After getting permission from Scurlock to decorate
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The remembrance tree is found on state Route 60 on Ronnie Scurlock ’ s property .
the tree , the Ugies set out with a purpose . They knew they wanted to add ornaments to the tree to remember their son , other family members , friends and family members of friends who have lost a child or a loved one . They didn ’ t know it at the time , but that was the very reason the train ornament was placed on the tree . The widow of
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Kenny Moore placed the train ornament on the tree in hopes others would place a special ornament on the tree to remember a loved one .
The Ugies asked permission from friends , family and people in the community they knew who lost a loved one . Once they were given permission to hang an ornament , Doug and Judy went out and bought an ornament specifically for each individual who had passed and then hung the ornaments on the tree . Others in the area have gone and hung ornaments too . Some of the ornaments have the person ’ s name on it while others do not . One person even reached out and asked if they could put solar lights out around the tree , and another placed a tree topper on .
“ It ’ s strange ,” Judy said . “ You feel like something is wrong , and for us , it ’ s that we ’ ve lost a child , but as my friend Lori Baker Davis , who lost her grandson Owen , says , it ’ s where grief and joy live together .”
This tree , on a state route , started with just one ornament , but as the Ugies and others in the area have gone to honor their loved ones , the tree is now fully decorated in just a few short weeks . The Ugies do not plan to stop at Christmas , however . On the contrary , this couple has plans to decorate for other holidays too .
“ My husband and I have already been talking about him making heart ornaments to put on the tree for Valentine ’ s Day ,” Judy said .
Hanging ornaments on a tree that sits outside near a state route may seem like a small gesture , but as the Ugies believe , it is the small acts of kindness or doing something special that bring people so much joy . It is what ’ s needed in the world right now . And the remembering tree is one place where grief and joy do live together .
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