April 27 , 2023 The Beacon • 17

There are a lot of difficult parts of autism — the sensory issues , the anxiety , communication , constant supervision . But there is one part that is really hard for me and several of my autism parent friends .

Who will be a friend to their child ?

It seems simple , doesn ’ t it ? And for me , maybe it is . Casey has never seemed to want close friends . In school she didn ’ t want to be near other students . They were loud and unpredictable . I was the one who felt bad — her birthday parties were her cousins or just us . She never seemed to care . She has always been a “ like me or don ’ t — I don ’ t care ” kind of girl . I admire that about her .

Rob wanted friends in school . He was lucky enough that a group of boys took him under their wings and made sure he always had someone to play with — someone to eat lunch with . He still talks about those boys today . I wish I could find them and tell each of them what a difference they made in his life . As he grew older , he seemed to become more of a loner . Crowds bothered him . His need for buddies went away — or seemed to .

Now Rob will say , “ Bob is my friend .” Casey calls her staff her friends — and they are , but it ’ s hard . I see what awesome young adults Casey and Rob are , but most people don ’ t take the time to get to know them . Once Casey starts talking about Elmo or Rob mentions the “ Wizard of Oz ,” people back away .

When I take them to dances the county board of DD has , Rob wants to sit high in the bleachers and watch . Casey stays on the outer edge of the dancers . And sometimes , I want to cry . Even in a group of people with disabilities , they aren ’ t often included . Some of it is their preference , I ’ m sure . But it ’ s hard to watch a group of young men your son ’ s age having a great time and know he can ’ t join them .

It ’ s actually easier for me , as Casey and Rob don ’ t seem to notice ( or care ) that they aren ’ t with people their own age . They both consider Bob and Julie and Kisha and Kilee and Deanna and others their friends — who am I to say any different ? Just because the friendship looks different to some doesn ’ t mean it ’ s any less important to Casey and Rob .

But I know lots of autism parents who struggle with this every day . I know one young man who loves dinosaurs and “ The Three Stooges ” and funny cat videos . He wants a friend . But many people his age don ’ t want to talk about the same things he does , and younger kids walk away or laugh . And it breaks his parents ’ hearts . It shouldn ’ t be too much to ask for someone to just listen to him for a few minutes — or at the very least , not to laugh . Is this what parents are teaching their kids — to laugh at someone who isn ’ t exactly like them ?

Or how about the young lady who doesn ’ t talk much , but she loves to go for walks and look at flowers . She loves crafts . But because she doesn ’ t say much , she is overlooked by the other girls her age . And again , a parent is heartbroken their child has no friends .

There aren ’ t many big birthday parties for our kids with autism . Summer camp is not a fun , bonding experience . Sports are often not an option .

The thing is our children not having friends makes life lonely for us parents too . Think about it . How many of your interactions every day revolve around your child ’ s activities ? When your child has autism , you go where he / she is . And often , that ’ s home because it ’ s safe .

Friends aren ’ t just important for the person with autism . As I just shared , autism parents are often lonely too . It isn ’ t easy for them to accept invitations to parties or even just to lunch , and when you say you can ’ t so often , the invitations stop coming . Families without autism don ’ t understand your life . That ’ s nothing against them ; they just simply can ’ t imagine what autism is like . Honestly , it ’ s hard for me to picture what other autism families live with — every family is so different .

I have people I can call

when things are tough : my parents , my brother , my best friend , my cousin . But sometimes I need to vent to another mom — someone who may not completely understand my life with autism but knows parts of my life are similar to hers . I know there are times talking to Cherie , another autism mom , pulled me back to my senses when I was either angry or tired or crying . I hope Cherie and I , and other autism moms , can do the same for younger moms who are just learning about autism .

I have support from an amazing family and friends , but the support from people who live with autism is different . If you are just learning about autism or have lived with it for years , think about joining our group . We are all in this together — and the more of us there are , the less lonely our families will be . And maybe , just maybe , our kids will find that special person who

likes Elmo or Power Rangers or dinosaurs too .

For more information about autism , follow Autism , Apple and Koolaid on Facebook . For information about ASK Autism , email coshoctonaskautism @ yahoo . com or check Facebook / ASK Autism .

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jsellers @ alonovus . com