The LORD Is My Shepherd
A Psalm of David.
(Psalm 23:1-2 ESV)
I have written to my mother several times since then. One such letter, I recall, was to assure her that I was alright and that I would survive. In that particular letter, I conveyed to her my understanding of her decision to part ways with my father. If she knew how he had treated me growing up, she would be troubled. Even though the relationship with him had not gone well, I had survived and now, with children of my own, my goal was to be a more caring, supportive father to them than he was to me. I wanted to be the kind of parent she had been. The remaining part of the letter lauded praises on my grandmother for the remarkable job she had done since my mother’s passing. Even though I didn’t get to stay with her and my grandfather as desired, she took every opportunity available to let me know that she loved me and was proud of me. I wanted to let my mother know that I was okay and that I never forgot her.
Can writing a letter to someone, even a person that can’t receive it, bring healing to your mind and spirit? Absolutely. Expressive writing leads to healing, growth and a better outlook on life’s ever-surprising situations.
The same principle applies to current relationships as well. Remember, just because you write it doesn’t mean you have to send it. A damaged relationship won’t be magically mended by a one-way conversation, but your outlook will begin to change. The way you feel about the other person, about yourself and about the circumstances that caused the rift in the first place will become clearer. The poison will begin to lose its strength. Your stress and anxiety levels will decrease. Wouldn’t that be nice? Try it. I dare you. The issue on your mind might be an argument with your spouse, a relative that hurt you many years ago or a boss that has taken advantage of you. Grab a pen and tell them just how you feel. Let it all out - don’t hold back. Write about the event and how it made you feel. The intent is not to degrade someone else, but to honestly express your feelings. If the dialogue you need to compose is about a painful event, may I recommend one caveat? After you get all of your feelings onto the page, write another letter from a totally different perspective - theirs. Yes, that’s correct. Write a letter to yourself from them.
Professionals such as psychologists, pastors, doctors and, of course, poets all agree that learning to write about the emotional turbulence within our hearts can be of great therapeutic value. Stephanie Frogge, MTS, puts it this way, “writing a letter that no one but you will ever read can have a significant positive impact on the healing journey following the traumatic death of a loved one.” There may have been things that you never got to say to the person. Sometimes that means expressing anger or regret, maybe an “I love you” that was a day too late or simply saying “I miss you.” A letter to that person, no matter what the relationship was in life, can bring clarity and resolution, if needed. It can bring healing to your heart.