Lastly, I want encourage all of you. I pray that as you read the Word, that you would come to know Jesus and love Him so that He would bring you true joy, even amongst your grief. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Don’t let your burdens and troubles weigh you down like an anchor. Hand them over to God so that He may lighten your load. Love those who are hurting. Share your story with others because you never know how the Lord will use your testimony to encourage someone. Above all else, seek Him. “When you seek Him, you will find Him, when you search for Him with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13
From all of the, “at least” statements (“at least you can get pregnant “or “at least it was early on”) to the “maybe next time you should try” statements, you’ll hear them all. I have encountered quite a few people that have left me absolutely dumbfounded. I remember being pregnant with Elise and I still received a shocking comment from someone who joked that, “you just didn’t do it right the first time.” Ouch. That one left me in tears and a sting that, when I see this person, I have to kindly bite my tongue and excuse myself. For those of you who are reading this and have never experienced a loss like this but you know someone who has or is currently going through it, please be cautious of your words. They can pierce a hurting and healing heart with one single breath. I am reminded in Proverbs 12:18 where it says, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Comforting someone that is grieving can be as simple as saying, “I’m so sorry.” or sometimes, when you don’t know what to say, say nothing at all. Hugs, cards, or even flowers just to let them know you are thinking of them can be the greatest gesture. I remember Adam and I even received a cookie bouquet from coworkers of mine. It was so thoughtful (and delicious) and it meant so much to us that they were praying for us.
Like I’ve said before, no matter how far along you were, whether early on or further along, still birth or infant loss, a loss is a loss, so please consider seeking council. Please allow someone to be a shoulder to you. Don’t allow yourself to hold in all of this pain that you’re feeling or have felt. Sometimes, it helps to have someone other than your significant other to listen to you. I suggest a local support group, a friend, or even a pastor at your home or local church. Also, it’s important to remember that everyone grieves differently. Some name their children they’ve lost and other don’t. That’s fine. Some do vigils on the day they lost a child or even on what their birthdays would have been. That’s fine too. There is absolutely no right or wrong way to grieve.
Losing Carys was by far one of the hardest trials I have ever endured. I didn’t get the purpose for our loss. After 2 years had gone by since losing Carys, I talked with a sweet friend, who has had multiple miscarriages, her most recent one in March of 2015, she mentioned that there were no faith-based outlets or support groups in our area that dealt with miscarriages and infant loss. With Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day around the corner, we talked to our pastor about holding a candle light vigil for parents that have lost babies. I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed us with such a supportive pastor who was ready and willing to help us any way he could. Ribbons and yellow roses would be given out that Sunday to recognize these precious parents and the loss that they have experienced, no matter how long ago. Little did we know that there was a greater conviction a few of us felt as this day approached. God had placed a burden for mom’s who have lost babies. They needed an outlet, someone to meet them on their terms, no pressure. Someone that would be willing to reach out and show them love from people who knew what they are going through.