14. Barking at a Playing Partner for Talking to Your Ball It is an undisputed fact that golf balls don’ t have ears. But since we humans do, we can confirm how ridiculous you sound barking at someone who is just trying to root you( the ball) on. Get in the Hole!
13. Extra Mulligan Taking Nothing wrong with a breakfast ball. But it’ s lunchtime now, and we’ re on the 15th hole, so, yes, in fact, we do mind if you“ just reload”— for the 20th time!
12. Rangefinder Usage Around the Green God forbid you have to flip a wedge in there without knowing if you have 31 yards to the pin. Or is it 32?
11. Playing Unready Golf For a guy who chose to ride, you’ re doing a lot of walking, back and forth between your cart and the ball. And you’ re making those trips empty-handed. You’ d spare yourself some effort, and all of us a lot of anguish— if you would bring a few clubs with you the first time around. from behind the ball before he hits, or the creepy eye he does while lining up the ball before putting? Apparently, you have because we’ ve noticed, much to our irritation, that you’ ve adopted similar routines, too.
6. Reliving your Round That blow-by-blow post-round account you just delivered would have been pretty boring in any context. It was especially dull for all of us sitting at the bar because, yes, we were watching every stinking shot. Yep, all 112 of them— and don’ t care to relive it again!
5. Sweeping Up Non“ Gimmes” No, we did not concede that five-foot, downhill slider, but yep, you took it anyway. Ha Ha Ha!
4. Offering Unsolicited Advice, and Lots of It Funny, Bob, we don’ t remember signing up for a playing lesson while a foursome behind us waits. How much are you charging for all these swing tips? Wait. Never mind that. How much do I have to pay you not to say another thing?
10. Throwing Temper Tantrums Much to our irritation, if club-tossing were part of the sport, you’ d play scratch golf. As it is, you’ re more like a 19. Translation: You’ re not nearly good enough to go all John Daly on us. Throw yourself— you hit the bad shot!
9. Meaningless Plumb-bobbing We’ re not exactly sure how plumb-bobbing works. But we’ re pretty sure that you don’ t have a clue how it works either; you’ ve threeputted the last eight greens, and yet you still insist on doing it before every putt.
Oh, it looks good on you though!
3. Endlessly Reciting Lines from Caddyshack Your Carl Spackler impressions ceased being funny the 18,000th time you delivered them. And, sorry, your Judge Smails is no better. Meaning, stop camouflaging your golf game with your lame comedy— you don’ t have that going for you. Hit the ball!
2. Being Shocked, SHOCKED, by Your Poor Play Yeah, yeah, we know. We’ ve watched it. You’ re struggling today, and we really should have seen you last time out when you hung up an effortless 73. Here’ s the thing: We played with you last time out, and no, you didn’ t.
8. Waiting for the Green to Clear on a Par-5 We’ re sorry to shatter your delusions of grandeur, but seeing as your three-wood maxes out at 210 and you’ re still more than 300 yards out, we’ re thinking you can probably go ahead and hit. It’ s called a layup!
7. Emulating Tour Pro Quirks Have you ever noticed those stop-and-start hitches Jim Furyk goes through when he’ s putting? Or the way Keegan Bradley sneaks up
And the # 1 Most Irritating— Late to the First Tee
Yes, we know, you forgot your clubs and had to run back home for them. You overslept, then had to stop for new golf tees. You rushed to the course and haven’ t swung a club since last year? We’ re sorry to hear that, just as you’ ll be sorry to know that no one cares. Get your &$#%... together. Get here early. Go to the range first. Take a lesson!
Have a great day on the course. Just please, please, please don’ t be that irritating guy or gal.
TeeTimesMagazine. com TEE TIMES GOLF GUIDE Oct./ Nov. 2026 19