Golf Tips ►
The Top 25
Most Irritating Golf Habits
by Bill Cromwell
With the vast growth of golf and crowded tee times over the last few years, the pace of play has become more important than ever. Courses increasingly require singles and twosomes to join other players to make full foursomes. While that means you could meet new friends who are enjoyable to play golf with, it also opens the door to being grouped with players who could be rather irritating in many ways. In fact, as many as 25 ways, which we’ ve gathered here for your enjoyment— or not.
Wanna be the ball? Go ahead, be our guest. Just please, please, please don’ t be that irritating guy or gal. You know, that golfer with the litany of quirks, mannerisms, and maddening routines that no one else can stand. Or— eek! Is that who you are already? Behold, the 25 most irritating habits that every golfer should avoid, ranked for your golfing displeasure.
25. Scorekeeping on Your Fingers Come on now. Are your fingers really what you need to tally up your strokes? Standing on the green, counting on your digits like a kindergartener, even as your playing partners have moved to the next tee? We witnessed it. It was a 7. Please, Move On!
24. Cliché Spouting“ Never up, never in!”“ Hit a house!”“ Best of the day!”“ You couldn’ t walk that out there any better.”“ That won’ t hurt you!” Maybe not. But keep talking, and someone in your group might be tempted to hurt you.
23. First-Tee Excuses So, you barely slept, you slipped a disc, and you haven’ t swung a club since your college reunion weekend last year? We’ re sorry to hear that, just as you’ ll be sorry to know that no one cares. Go to the range first. Take a lesson!
22. Manhole Ball-Markers If you’ re going to drop a manhole-sized poker-chip marker in someone’ s line and not change it, allow us to make a change for you. Here, take a quarter. A dime. A penny. Almost any coin will do. Use it next round. In the meantime, though, we’ re going to ask you to go one to the left with your manhole cover, or whatever that monstrosity is that’ s in our line.
21. Excessive Practice Swinging Practice makes perfect, but not in your case. You’ ve proved as much by taking nine swings before each shot over the last nine holes, then laying sod over your ball or shanking it in the weeds. Hit the ball!
20. Phone Clinginess Might we suggest phone holsters for your grips? That way you can read your precious texts and emails even while you swing.
19. Insisting on Playing the Tips Sure. We get it. Even though you can barely break 100, you’ re taking on the back tees at 7,600 yards because you want to“ see the whole course.” Don’ t worry. You will. You just won’ t see us. We’ ll be seven holes ahead.
18. Cringe-Inducing Cart-Girl Flirting She made your Bloody Mary, laughed at your lame lines, even though you didn’ t tip her, and never once remarked that she is young enough to be your daughter’ s daughter. Now, for everybody’ s well-being, and your own self-respect, please leave the cart girl alone.
17. Putting Everything Out We respect your adherence to the rules. But we’ d admire you even more if you didn’ t feel the need to hold up the entire course while you line up that last six-incher for your 11— just picked up your &$#!!- ing ball.
16. Ignoring the Group Pushing Up Behind You We’ re not sure what explains it: your failure to wave faster players through. Is the problem obliviousness or ego? Or are you afraid that giving way to others reflects badly on your manhood? Here’ s the thing. Not doing so reflects badly on you.
15. Endless Data Gathering There you go again, pacing up and down the fairway like General Patton, measuring your distance to within a fraction of a yard. You’ ve tossed-up grass three times and lasered the flag three times to check the elevation change. If we provided you with the barometric pressure and topographical maps, would you, at long last, be willing to hit?
18 Oct./ Nov. 2026 TEE TIMES GOLF GUIDE