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3. As you begin to narrow your focus on a young woman who stands out to you, slowly but intentionally make an
effort to get to know her.
Create ways for doing that that make her feel safe and reduce temptation for both of you, like spending time together
in groups whenever possible, and initiate some one-on-one conversation. Here's a little conversation advice: Ask her
about her. Without coming across like an aggressive journalist, discover who she is. And here's another piece of con-
versation advice: When she asks questions about you, provide a little more information than "uh-huh." I don't mean to
offend you, but I've heard from so many girls that that's what they usually get from most guys.
As for romance, my best advice is to become a student of her and learn what she considers romantic, what she values.
If it's flowers, then flowers. If spontaneity, then spontaneity. If quality time, then quality time. If it's vacuuming, then
vacuum. For my wife it's a combination of all those and more. It took time for me to figure that out. The most im-
portant thing is get to know her heart and respond to it. Getting to know someone is like a dance—you gently lead,
careful not to drive, push or drag her around. She doesn't want a wallflower, and she doesn't want a stalker.
The best resource I've found for discovering how to do a romantic, godly relationship is the almost legendary teaching
on the book of Song of Solomon by Tommy Nelson, pastor of Denton Bible Church. Whether you're currently in a
relationship or one seems miles away, do whatever you can to purchase and listen to it now.
Blessings,
JOHN THOMAS
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