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THE BAY TALKS
21 Lost Gentleman Traditions That Still Apply Today
1. He stands when she walks in the room In the old days, men stood out of respect when a lady, dignitary, or elderly person walked in the room. It was a sign of respect and humbleness. Today, men stand out of courtesy when a guest visits a meeting. A gentleman will stand from his table when he’ s introduced to a guest. Who stays seated when a friend walks into a restaurant, bar, or their place anyhow? Standing shows you are attentive and you care.
2. He walks by her on the outside, closest to the street Why is the top coat symbolic of the gentleman? Before our drainage systems, a man stood on the outside of the sidewalk in a long coat to protect her from the dust and sewage that could splash up as horse carriages passed by. Sewage was common in the streets. The picture of the man laying his coat over a puddle for her to walk over meant he was protecting her feet from fecal material more than rain water.
Today, a gentleman might stand in the way of puddles splashing up from buses, or in the event a car veers onto the sidewalk. Symbolically it might mean he’ ll always be by her side, through thick and thin, and will protect her from anything.
3. He opens the door for her A gentleman would help her up into the carriage as a sign of his protection and strength. Women would hold their dresses up as they were often long and heavy. The gentleman opened the door for her so she wouldn’ t have to drop her dress in the dirt.
The modern gentleman helps her in and out of the car to stand in the way of creepy gawkers. Opening a door for her is not a sign she is weak, but a gesture of affection.
4. He never criticizes a home-made meal An out-loud criticism of a meal as a guest was considered disrespectful to the host. If anyone takes the time and effort to make a dinner, they are your host. Honor them. Smile and chew.
5. He doesn’ t LOL for the sake of attention“ Frequent and loud laughter is the characteristic of folly and ill-manners …” Letters to His Son on the Art of Becoming a Man of the World and a Gentleman( 1746). He might write an“ LOL” over text in the present, but a gentleman doesn’ t have to be loud to command attention. He commands attention through his strong character.
6. He pulls out her chair It was common for the gentleman to pull out her chair and allow her to face the open room. Today, the gentleman pulls out her seat, and sits facing away from the crowd and the TV because he doesn’ t want to be distracted from his priority when he forgets to take his Ritalin.
7. He sits after she sits“… and at the table wait until she is seated, indeed wait until every lady is seated, before taking your own place” The Gentlemen’ s Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness( 1860). Talk show hosts continue this tradition today by waiting to sit until after their guest has taken their seat. If Oprah does it, so can you. She’ s your guest. Allow her to sit first.
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