Parenting
For example, your children could say,
“What you said hurt my feelings. I try
not to hurt your feelings or disrespect
you and I expect you to be considerate
of my feelings and respect me too. If I
hurt your feelings, please tell me.” Allow
space for your child to express his or
her displeasure. Some parents believe
that when children voice their opinions
that they are being disrespectful but
that is not always the case. Allow them
to express themselves and reinforce
their boundaries respectfully.
#4 GIVE CHILDREN A VOICE
AND A CHOICE
Make time to have family meetings as
well as private conversations with your
kids. Give children a chance to express
their successes, failures, questions and
concerns. Children who feel as if they
have a voice and a choice are more
likely to follow rules and adhere to
boundaries.
Show your children that their opinions
are important by carefully considering
their perspective and explaining
why you make your final decisions
regarding boundaries.
#5 OUTLINE
CONSEQUENCES
Make sure your children are aware of
the consequences that will take place
beforehand, should they choose
not to respect a boundary or limit.
When choosing a consequence for
a behaviour, allow your child to have
input. And try to have the consequence
be a real-world consequence directly
connected to the offense.
Also, make sure it is age appropriate
and relates closely to the offense. This
teaches your children how to set their
own limits as well as predict possible
outcomes and consequences in later
life.
#6 BE CONSISTENT
Follow through with your expectations
and consequences. If you decide a
rule stands, it stands. You must mean
what you say and say what you mean.
Otherwise, children will constantly
push the boundaries to manipulate
you.
Boundaries are dynamic. As your
child’s understanding, maturity level
and needs grow, boundaries should
be adjusted. Being consistent teaches
children to stand firm in their beliefs
and what they feel is acceptable.
Consistency gives children the courage
to stand up for themselves and to set
healthy boundaries.
#7 MAINTAIN HEALTHY
RELATIONSHIP
Talk to your children about what it
means to be a good friend. Let them
decide what their boundaries are.
Help your kids recognize actions
of a good, healthy friendship and
those of an unhealthy, destructive
friendship. People who reject, bully,
tease or disrespect your child are not
good friends. Those who accept your
children for who they are, treat them
with respect and truly care are good
friends.
When your children are older, this will
also be important as they choose a
boyfriend or girlfriend, so it’s a good
idea to begin putting these boundaries
in place at a young age.
#8 ACCEPT PERSONAL
DIFFERENCES
Teach children that everyone has
different likes and dislikes, as well as
comfort levels. If a sibling or friend
wants to play football, it doesn’t mean
that he/she has to play. Help each of
your children figure out what works
best for them and what doesn’t work
at all.
#9 ROLE-PLAY SITUATIONS
AND RESPONSES
Talk with your children about how
to verbalise what they’re thinking or
feeling. Give them key phrases that
they can use in certain situations.
Use “what if…” scenarios and ask the
children to explain what they would
say and do in certain situations.
# 10 LET CHILDREN SELF-
SOLVE PROBLEMS
Don’t take sides in sibling squabbles. (I
know that can be tough!) Teach them
how to solve problems on their own.
Don't take sides in sibling squabbles.
Instead, teach them how to solve
problems on their own. Rescuing
your children each time there is an
issue keeps them from taking personal
responsibility and their social skills
may suffer if they don’t get to practice
making compromises and working out
solutions without a mediator.