Parenting
HELP YOUR CHILD TO SET AND RESPECT
BOUNDARIES
H
elping children to set their
own boundaries and limits
is one of the most important
things you can do as a parent.
Not only are you teaching your children
how to think independently, you also
teach them how to treat themselves as
well as others. #1 SET PRINCIPLE-BASED
BOUNDARIES
When I was doing some research
for this article, I was surprised at
how often articles popped up about
setting boundaries with your adult
children. A lot. Makes me wonder
if those kids weren’t taught how to
take other people’s boundaries into
account. It seems a bit late in the day
to be trying to teach adult children to
respect boundaries, in fact by the time
your children are adults they should
know and respect your boundaries
and have boundaries of their own. For example, you may want to
include boundaries that include
safety, respect, responsibility, etc.
When children see and respect other
people’s boundaries, they are better
able to set clear boundaries for
themselves.
When children have their own firm
boundaries, they are more likely to
succeed throughout their lives. If
you’ve had difficulty setting these
up in your home, take a look at these
ten ways parents help children set
boundaries and limits.
10 WAYS YOU CAN HELP YOUR
CHILD SET BOUNDARIES AND
LIMITS
To help children understand, recognise
and set boundaries, begin by setting
a few basic boundaries that apply to
everyone. Core principles are a good
place to start.
We were just talking this morning
about when one sibling asks the other
to stop, then we need to respect that
request and boundary.
#2 DEVELOP PHYSICAL
BOUNDARIES
These boundaries would probably
fall into the “safety” and “respect”
categories. When it comes to physical
contact and personal space, everyone
has their own comfort zone and levels.
Regardless of age, everyone has a
right to protect his or her body and
personal space.
For example, if 3-year-old Janie doesn’t
want to hug Aunt Mary or anyone else,
she has a right to say no and expect
the wish to be respected. Coercing
or making children dismiss their own
feelings can lead to confusion and self-
doubt, as well as children devaluing
their own needs and feelings later.
With the prevalence of child abuse
and molestation, learn to respect
your children’s feelings, they may not
feel comfortable in hugging or being
touched by certain adults because
it makes them uncomfortable. If they
are forced into physical contact with
someone that they are not comfortable
with, they may feel they do not have a
choice and may be unwilling to report
abuse or molestation should it occur.
#3 ESTABLISH EMOTIONAL
BOUNDARIES
These boundary lines allow you and
your children to separate me from
you. They help everyone to accept
responsibility for their own actions and
feelings. Emotional boundaries also
protect you from putting too much
importance on feelings and situations
that we have no control over.
While it’s important to be able to
separate yourself from others, it’s
also important to be empathetic,
caring, thoughtful, considerate and
respectful. When someone crosses
one of your emotional boundaries, it’s
ok to tell them what happened.