Bella
Dear Maryann,
I feel like a fumbling idiot. I still haven’ t managed to get used to my new surroundings. I’ m learning that the words“ I’ m sorry” here do not hold the same resonance like at back home. In fact, I appear weak when I apologize. When my students apologize to me, it feels very insincere. I feel stuck. Do I not apologize? Do I ignore when I offend or they offend me?.
Troubled, Abe
Dear Abe,
This is a tough one that I’ ve been exploring personally. Let’ s take out the“ new” surroundings. Think of this as simply a communications issue. The words,“ I’ m sorry” are thrown around so much these days, that they’ ve lost their weight. Your students may have learned this from another teacher, who may have been doing a simple English lesson. It’ s interesting what our students hold on to. My students’ favorite words were“ Relax” and“ Break”. However, it seems like your situation is more complicated. Why are you fumbling or feeling like you are offending your students? I’ m assuming that by their reaction you know this for sure? Next time a student expresses hurt feelings or confusion by a comment you made – do not quickly jump to apologize. Apologies like“ I’ m sorry” make others feel like the victim. It disempowers the person who was offended, and the offender. The offender is left feeling like“ the bad guy” when it was probably an honest mistake. Neither of these leads to a deeper connection. Try using the words“ I understand”. The next time someone is offended by you, listen carefully, and say,“ I understand”. Sometimes, people just want to be heard, and understood.
M
Dear Maryann,
How can I teach others about this great life I created in the UAE? So many of my friends ask me how, and I’ m beginning to think I have a business here!
Grateful, Aminah
Dear Aminah,
Write and sell books and online courses. You may also want to do a podcast on your time off. You can also give your advice online on sites like justanswer. com if you want to earn money. If you’ d like more details on how to develop a course or write your own book, contact me directly at maryann @ teachuae. com.
M
Hi Maryann,
I recently went on a job interview and the interviewer, an older man in his 60s, did not even give me eye contact. I left feeling horrible and he didn’ t even call back. I never thought anyone could be so rude! I’ m an attractive woman, so I don’ t know what the problem is. If I don’ t get work soon, I will have to leave the country. This has been happening a lot at interviews.
Grateful, Brittany
Dear Brittany,
You did not specify how you were dressed or the nationality of your interviewer. If he was Middle Eastern, know that it is not unusual for Arab men, or Emirati men to not make eye contact. Additionally, conservative outfits are always highly encouraged. The problem that you are having may be more of a cultural issue, than a personal one. Perhaps you should do more research, and develop more cultural awareness. This will go a long way in helping you to understand the culture of your new home and could prevent unnecessary assumptions or problems going forward. Good luck.
M
Maryann Reid, a personal coach and educator from New York can be reached at maryann @ teachuae. com
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After The Bell Mar- Apr 2017