sweet auburn | 2022 volume ii
But you never know , do you , what awaits . After nine months of joyful anticipation , our Susannah ’ s first child , a perfect little boy , was stillborn at full term , no cause found . Tiny beautiful Baby Wilder was cremated at the Cemetery , and his arrival and departure were memorialized on our new monument . Our hearts were broken . This is not what is supposed to happen .
And then our daughter Alyson died , too , no cause found . This is not supposed to happen , either .
My husband and I , and our Susannah , gathered to see Als along her last journey . Put your lights on blinking , instructed the kindly man at the funeral home , and we will go ahead of you . Slowly the hearse drove in front of us , through red lights and around traffic circles , moving in a dignified and stately way . I took pictures , I guess to stretch out the time in which Alyson was somehow still here .
At the Cemetery , at the entrance to the crematory , we were greeted respectfully by people there who were going to see my child through . All of us helped to transfer her body into the anteroom . Inside the box she lay , or her body lay , wearing her favorite red nightie and covered with a soft red blanket , and surrounded by photographs of us , her family .
For many hours we waited in Bigelow Chapel , telling Alyson stories , crying , remembering , laughing . Susannah went out and brought back lunch for us . It was a peaceful time . I knew Alyson was not afraid , and that she felt safe at a place that had meant so much to her , where she and I had spent many contented and happy hours doing our volunteer work amidst the monuments . Everybody was so kind !
We received her cremated remains , in their mahogany box , still warm , in the family room at the Cemetery office . I will never forget it , its warmth and weight , and the kindness at that horrible time .
Once again we had to add to the inscriptions on our monument .
I have twice found and recorded , on monuments dedicated to the death of children : “ Though ruined the casket [ the body ], yet safe is the gem .” Yes . Yes . But oh ! How hard it is !
Inward , to the Dirt Factory .
For a while I worked as a teacher-naturalist at a nearby Audubon sanctuary . Plants — that ’ s the Other Wildlife — were my favorite things to teach about , and my favorite teaching about them is what I call The Dirt Factory .
The whole earth , you know , is a dirt factory . The plants grow , and then they die , and their passed leaves and stems lie upon the earth , and the tiny and invisible creatures and chemicals and rain and sun work upon them , and lo ! in a while they become dirt , or soil I guess I must call it . They are joined in this transformation by the other living things that go upon the earth . And all gives rise to new plants and new creatures that eat those plants .
I would say to kids , “ Did any of you ever find , like , a dead bird , and bury it ?” Heads nod . “ Well , that ’ s what happened to that bird , too , “ I would tell them . Once in a great while a brave kid would ask , slowly , “ Is that what happens to people , too ?” “ Yes !” I would answer . And isn ’ t that wonderful ?
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