SMILE LINES
Comment from a parishioner:“ Our vicar’ s sermons always have a happy ending. The moment they’ ve ended, everyone feels happy”.
Found in a diocesan magazine: A nun driving her jeep in the Middle East ran out of petrol. The only container she could find was a chamber pot, in which she collected petrol and with great difficulty refilled the jeep. Some Sheiks looking on observed:‘ Sister, we don’ t share your religion, but we admire your faith.”
Seen in a West Country church: Whenever I see a little church, I always ay a visit. So when at last I’ m carried in, the Lord won’ t say:“ Who is this?”
Seen in a parish magazine:“ We shall be meeting on Wednesday when the subject will be:‘ Heaven – how to get there.’ Transport by bus is available at 6.45pm opposite the King’ s Arms.
Seen in a parish magazine: Next Sunday the choir will give a recital, after which the church will be closed for repairs.
A musical concert was about to be performed in a prison. The Governor was talking to a titled lady guest, explaining that the orchestra was made up of murderers, embezzlers and other hardened criminals. The lady pointed to a man in the corner, holding a trombone.‘ He looks a tough customer’, she whispered.‘ Whatever has HE done?’ The governor paused and smiled.‘ Ah, actually, he is the chaplain.’
What’ s ON @ St Oswald’ s Monday
Source: St Augustine’ s magazine.
Brigitte Williams
1900-2100( Last / month) Kings Park Community Council Tuesday 1930-2130 St Oswald’ s Vestry( First / month) Wednesday
Friday
Saturday
0930 1130 1730 & 1930 Slimming World C Ellis 0773 353 8448
1900-2000 AA Contact Helpline 08475 697 555
1930-2200 Sequence Dance Contact: H Warnock( 01355-265233)
2000-2200 Sequence Dance Contact: J Barr( 01698-853652)
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