SMILE LINES
Comment from a parishioner : “ Our vicar ’ s sermons always have a happy ending . The moment they ’ ve ended , everyone feels happy ”.
Found in a diocesan magazine : A nun driving her jeep in the Middle East ran out of petrol . The only container she could find was a chamber pot , in which she collected petrol and with great difficulty refilled the jeep . Some Sheiks looking on observed : ‘ Sister , we don ’ t share your religion , but we admire your faith .”
Seen in a West Country church : Whenever I see a little church , I always ay a visit . So when at last I ’ m carried in , the Lord won ’ t say : “ Who is this ?”
Seen in a parish magazine : “ We shall be meeting on Wednesday when the subject will be : ‘ Heaven – how to get there .’ Transport by bus is available at 6.45pm opposite the King ’ s Arms .
Seen in a parish magazine : Next Sunday the choir will give a recital , after which the church will be closed for repairs .
A musical concert was about to be performed in a prison . The Governor was talking to a titled lady guest , explaining that the orchestra was made up of murderers , embezzlers and other hardened criminals . The lady pointed to a man in the corner , holding a trombone . ‘ He looks a tough customer ’, she whispered . ‘ Whatever has HE done ?’ The governor paused and smiled . ‘ Ah , actually , he is the chaplain .’
What ’ s ON @ St Oswald ’ s Monday
Source : St Augustine ’ s magazine .
Brigitte Williams
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1900-2000 AA Contact Helpline 08475 697 555
1930-2200 Sequence Dance Contact : H Warnock ( 01355-265233 )
2000-2200 Sequence Dance Contact : J Barr ( 01698-853652 )
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