Christmas:
A more secular/cynical/commercial view!
A nonagenarian, a graduate of, and later lecturer in Mathematics at, Harvard
University - a CV which would not suggest that the bearer would be a
hilarious and creative observer of human behaviour. This was one theory,
however, that Tom Lehrer has spent his life disproving.
From his enchanting “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park” to the apocalyptical
“We will all go together when we go”, his sardonic wit missed few targets.
It is not, therefore, entirely surprising that the more secular aspects of the
Festive Season were addressed in his unique style. Especially in verse 3!
I cannot improve on Lehrer’s own introduction on his album: “An evening
wasted with Tom Lehrer” so enjoy(?) and, if you want to actually hear the
opus, and more of his work, go to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtZR3lJobjw&list=RDDtZR3lJobjw&inde
x=1
“One very familiar type of song is the Christmas carol. I'm informed by my disk jockey
friends - of whom I have none - that in order to get a song popular by Christmas Time,
you have to start plugging it well in advance. So here goes.
It has always seemed to me after all, that Christmas, with its spirit of giving, offers us
all a wonderful opportunity each year to reflect on what we all most sincerely and
deeply believe in - I refer of course, to money.
And yet none of the Christmas carols that you hear on the radio or in the street, even
attempt to capture the true spirit of Christmas as we celebrate it in the United States,
that is to say the commercial spirit.
So, I should like to offer the following Christmas carol for next year, as being perhaps
a bit more appropriate.”
Christmas time is here, by golly
Disapproval would be folly
Deck the halls with hunks of holly
Fill the cup and don't say when
("Just the thing I need, how nice!")
It doesn't matter how sincere it is
Nor how heart felt the spirit
Sentiment will not endear it
What's important is the price
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens
Even though the prospect sickens
Brother, here we go again
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings
Advertising wondrous things
God rest ye merry merchants
May ye make the Yuletide pay
Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and - buy!
On Christmas Day you can't get sore
Your fellow man you must adore
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-
four
So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle
Hail our dear old friend Kriss Kringle
Driving his reindeer across the sky
Don't stand underneath when they fly
by!
Relations, sparing no expense will
Send some useless old utensil
Or a matching pen and pencil
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