I know now that God was protecting me as a result of
the prayers of others, but no matter how hard I tried, I just
could not make myself throw up. I decided that if God was
so powerful in stopping me, then I would turn to the devil to
help me. I renounced God and all He stood for and started
praying to Satan daily to help me become bulimic. Satan gladly
took this opportunity, and soon I was living in hell on earth.
Those I loved the most turned away from me, feeling helpless
and scared by my choices.
Not only did the eating disorder fail to fulfill any need in
me, but also it left me more miserable than ever. I began
to
understand why God had tried to protect me from this misery.
I wanted out and cried out to God in desperation. I knew
He was my only hope of obtaining freedom. I was deep in
the eating disorder and felt completely powerless. I had to go
through a process that included more bad days than good days
at first. I had
to
dig up the roots of what led
to
my current
state, feel them, face them, and then replace them with the
unconditional love of God. It was a painful process! But by
continuing to do that and pressing through the pain, I found
myself so full of truth that there was no room for lies.
I know God loves me no matter what I've done or will do,
and that I'm worthy to hear from Him. He accepts me for who
I really am. I am beautiful, and I don't have to be prefect to
be loved. The most important thing to me was realizing that I
didn't have to live with an eating disorder the rest of my life!
There is actual freedom in Christ!
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