friendly date with a guy who has a heart of
gold but doesn’t look like a movie star.
Who cares if he’s in debate and you’re on
the soccer team. Don’t be a Mr. Darcy and
miss an opportunity to befriend someone
outside your social circle.
What if the guys around here don’t
share my standards?
Are most kids in your area not LDS? If
that’s the case, don’t skip out on stake
dances, EFY, and similar activities. Bother
your Young Womens president if you don’t
have any of these opportunities. Also,
open yourself up to group dates with guys
who aren’t Mormon. Many people outside
our faith share similar beliefs like practicing abstinence before marriage. Make sure
you have the same expectations beforehand, and ask your parents for guidance.
Why can’t I have a boyfriend now?
Two reasons. First, you don’t want to go
too far down the path of physical affection. You need to decide now if you will
hold hands or kiss and where your redline
is, but sticking with a group and dating
more than one guy helps you avoid crossing that line.
“While you should be friendly
with all people, select with great
care those whom you wish to
have close to you. They will be
your safeguards in situations
where you may vacillate between choices, and you in turn
may save them.”
Gordon B. Hinckley
The other reason is that you need to meet
lots of different people. Mormons don’t believe in soul-mates, that only one person
out there is right for you. But that doesn’t
mean that some people can’t be more
right for you than others. It is easier to
make a relationship work when you agree
on most of the big picture stuff.
While we were dating, my husband told
me he would never live in a house with
pets. I was fine with that, but for someone
else, it could be a huge issue. By going
out on dates with many different guys, you
increase the chance of meeting someone
who is most right for you. As you meet
more guys, you also get a better idea of
what you need and want from a relationship.
What if I just don’t want to date?
Not everyone is ready to date at sixteen.
It’s difficult to transition overnight (and
you’ll run into the same period of shock
when you get the green light for steady
dating after high school). Ease into each
stage to avoid feeling like you’re drowning.
In the meantime, strengthen your friendships. Find things you’re good at and love
to do. Focus on being the best person you
can be, and when the time is right, you’ll
make a great date.
But I really hate all the cutesy prom invites and formalities.
I hear you. I was never into hiding clues in
a pie and having to complete a jigsaw puzzle to get my answer several days later.
Some people like that, but if it’s not for
you, then don’t do it. When I was eighteen,
I’d had enough. I sat next to my friend and
asked, “Would you go to the dance with
me?” He said yes. Do whatever you’re
comfortable with.
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