The Request That Reduced Our Hearts To
Bits
As she lay on the hospital bed and clenching
my mom’s hand, I looked into her eyes and
saw fear, confusion and despair. She was still
freaking out as the thought of impending
doom and gloom consumed her. Nazy
thought she was dying so she made
numerous requests. Among them, “Call
everyone, tell them to come so I can say
goodbye.” Our hearts broke. We thought it
Music and dance and laughter used to give
her life. But in the throes of pain she just
smiled at even the funniest jokes with an, “I
tell y’all don’t make me laugh. I cannot laugh.
was the worse day of our lives.
The doctor reassured her, “We all have our
day to die, but I assure you, today isn’t your
It hurts when I laugh.” day.” It wasn’t.
Lupus was stealing her joy. To say it broke In the following days a bout of depression,
our hearts to see her struggle, her constant
pain and sometimes despair is an
(very common in lupus sufferers) ensued.
Nazy was never the same. Consumed with
understatement. sadness, hopelessness and uncertainty she
Anxiety Attacked who has lupus) but it was an uphill battle. As
It was a Saturday morning and Nazy had been became more frequent; pneumonia,
released from the hospital the day before.
She was given a laundry list of new
medications that she now had to administer
to herself. She had also found out that her
aunt’s husband who had also been
hospitalized had passed on. She sat on the
couch in the living room and in true Nazy
fashion read the side effects of each
prescription before popping them. Then
suddenly she got up from the couch and
rushed towards my mom who was standing a
few feet away, holding on to her tightly like
someone hanging on for dear life. The fear in
her face was palpable. I called 9-1-1.
tried to carry on with life as a lupie (someone
the battle continued, Nazy’s hospital stays
bronchitis, fevers and infections, chest pains
and shortness of breath were becoming the
norm. The results of each biopsy showed
more deterioration and inflammation to her
lungs.