258 Interacting with Their Patients
them’’ and more as‘‘ we’ re all in this together.’’ Yet these reactions underscored the differential that existed beforehand and presumably would have continued if these doctors had not gotten sick themselves.
At times, new camaraderie ensued. Lou, who had an award on his office wall, now felt with patients:‘‘ We’ re bonded because we’ re both in the same club: both patients.’’
They could share not only physiological processes, but psychosocial effects of disease as well. Such identification commonly grew, particularly if these doctors were treating patients with whom they shared a diagnosis. Tom looked differently at patients who had either of his problems: alcoholism and HIV.
Being an alcoholic, I see alcoholic patients differently. Being HIVpositive, I’ ve had much more engagement with patients’ experiences with mortality, discrimination, and difficult decisions of whether to take drugs.
Suzanne, the psychiatrist with bipolar disorder, added:
It’ s the same way as talking to an alcoholic who is now a drug and alcohol counselor: they have a comfort level. But most of them admit it and say,‘‘ I’ m a recovering alcoholic.’’
Even ill physicians who felt they were highly sensitive to patients’ experiences to begin with often changed significantly. Most‘‘ sensitive’’ doctors now felt that they had become more empathetic, even if in subtle ways, and more aware of patients’ perspectives. Attitudes changed not only toward patients, but also staff. Bradley, the internist who had a heart attack, said that previously, he hadn’ t considered retiring or helping younger colleagues advance in their careers. Now, he listened more and accepted giving up control.
My illness affected how I operate my lab. I had eighteen people working here, and I considered myself immortal. I’ d never even considered the reality of retiring. I have a very devoted, excellent, younger( fifty-five years old) associate, who has been working with me for thirty-one years. He’ s not a physician, and I had difficulty accepting what he wished to do as being right. Post-illness, I have been more accepting of other viewpoints, leading to my willingness to retire. It no longer bothers me not to be in control. But I did not arrive at these points of view through some intellectual process.