242 Being a Doctor After Being a Patient
Forms of Spirituality
Being Spiritual to Start With
Some physicians felt spiritual or religious before their diagnoses. Roxanne,
the gastroenterologist with cancer, said religion had always been impor-
tant to her. In fact, when on call, she would ask a clergyman to pray for her.
‘‘I’d go to a priest and say, ‘Father, I’m on call,’ and he would bless me. I’d
say, ‘God, help me not to make a decision when I don’t know what to do.’ ’’
Nevertheless, though religious or spiritual to start with, doctors often
increased the significance of spirituality in their lives, changing priorities
or developing a greater sense of appreciation. After becoming sick, many
developed or expanded spiritual activities in their lives, adding further
dimensions.
Others returned to spiritual beliefs from which they had meandered
away over time. Brian, the pediatrician with hepatitis, suggested the ex-
tent to which the experience of spirituality can exist in a series of gra-
dations traversed forward or back. Though trained as a Jesuit, he had
become less religious, until his illness inspired him to recultivate, and
return to, his previous beliefs and practices.
I was in medical school, training to do missionary work. So I
am religious in a sense, but I am not pious. I consider myself
spiritually-oriented in that I try to be quiet, and listen to my-
self. The illness actually brought me back to that. Not that I had
drifted from it, but I had become less attentive. . . . I didn’t re-
serve special, quiet time for myself.
Other physicians did not return to a particular tradition, but as result
of illness, increased their appreciation of life and nature more generally.
Kurt, the internist with HIV, said:
I’ve been more reflective, and learned to appreciate things—the
ocean, the sky—to take time for people. Not just important peo-
ple, but anybody. It’s made me a lot happier.
Spirituality Despite Oneself
Occasionally, physicians became more spiritual without inviting it, al-
most despite themselves. For example, Walter, when critically ill with