‘‘ Being‘ Strong’’’ 221
At one point, she also told the doctor,‘‘ We need a central line!’’ Her use of the first person plural here underlines the degree to which spouses can indeed become bonded by the disease, seeing themselves as together requesting and receiving care.
Yet doctors often‘‘ outranked’’ their familial support systems, making treatment more difficult. Physicians could pull rank with family members concerning diagnoses, treatment, and prevention. Eleanor added about her husband and daughters:
Being a physician,‘‘ he was‘ the expert.’’’ A lot of patients have denial, but if you’ re a physician, it gets reinforced. The assumption is: you know what you’ re doing. It allows you to play both ends against the middle— you can understand the consequences of your behavior while you’ re busy denying that there are any consequences to not modifying your behavior.
Other physicians concurred with Eleanor’ s assessment of difficulties in treating sick colleagues. Stuart had cared for several doctor-patients, and further illustrated this problem.‘‘ Their caretakers at home were always being browbeaten by the patients saying,‘ I know what I’ m doing. Don’ t listen to what the doctor said.’’’
Support Groups
These physician-patients found it hard not only to draw on family support, but also to participate in support groups. Generally, these groups contained nonphysicians, and many doctors did not join because of not wanting to have to disclose their illness. Rumors about an ill physician could spread. Awkwardness arose, too, from being‘‘ the physician’’ in the room, and being asked medical questions. Suzanne said,‘‘ I went to a group, but was the most functional person there. They asked me tons of questions. It just got to be a pain in the ass.’’ As a result of these obstacles, these physicians had fewer resources to rely on.
In a few cities, formal or informal support groups of physicians began at different points, particularly for HIV. Yet, for a variety of reasons, physicians frequently avoided even these entities. Consequently, over time, these groups waned. Charles, the underground researcher, attended a group of HIV-positive doctors, but eventually, they all died.‘‘ It was very small, and didn’ t last very long....’’ Jerry, the surgeon-lawyer, attended one such