220 Being a Doctor After Being a Patient
A psychometric workup was my defense against ‘‘losing it.’’ I’d
be the last one to know it. That was as intellectual an approach
as I could come up with: recognizing the possibility that I was
slipping, and wanting to be defended against that. I didn’t tell
anybody.
Bradley relied on medical tests to diagnose potential problems that, if
present, might have been due more to ongoing depression than to neu-
rological disease. But as a physician, he valued objective tests.
Support from Families
These physicians often found it difficult to avail themselves of family
supports that assist many patients. Frequently, these doctors resisted the
aid their families offered. Many family members thought these profes-
sionals knew best how to handle the illness, a reflection in part of these
physicians’ own attitudes. As a result, certain family members became
less supportive than they might otherwise have been. Many ill doctors
also sought to protect their families from the difficulties of the disease,
though at times that motivation bordered on rationalization. Other doc-
tors had trouble recognizing that their illness caused their loved ones
anguish and stress. Though a few doctors derived some support from sig-
nificant others, even then, tensions frequently arose, given differences in
medical expertise between physicians and lay family members.
Several physicians had health professional spouses or children, which
helped in accessing care and making sense of the experience of illness, yet
could pose problems of autonomy and hierarchy. Eleanor said about her
physician-husband:
He’d say, ‘‘I don’t know how I’d do this without you’’—in terms
of logistics and managing his pain meds. I had a lot more power
than a spouse usually would because, as a health professional
myself, I could stop staff dead in their tracks.
Eleanor’s assertiveness may have bordered on entitlement, but succeeded.
She added:
The resident said, ‘‘We never sedate patients coming out of
a coma.’’ So I went and found the head of the MICU, and said,
‘‘Listen, buddy, this is the situation. . .’’ Then they sedated him.