when we got married was to honor our
vows. If we honored our vows, then
divorce would never be an option.
Within the first week of our marriage,
we decided to remove the option of
divorce from the table. We wanted each
other to know “I’m not leaving you.”
We were accustomed to rejection, and
we grew up in families where marriage
was not as healthy as it could’ve been.
We saw dysfunctional relationships,
and neither of us wanted that for our
lives. So we threw divorce off the table
and focused on our commitments. We
decided: if we do this, we are going
to do this ’til death do us part. That
was my promise to him. That was his
promise to me. the reasons people do not stay married
is because wedding vows are not taken
seriously anymore. A vow is a promise.
These aren’t just pretty words; they’re
your sworn vow. At one time the vows
were the highlight of the wedding.
At our wedding the vows were pretty
much the whole ceremony because
it was so spontaneous. But the vows
traditionally were the most important
part of the service. When vows were
spoken, people paid attention. The
room grew still. Hearts were opened.
People were reminded of the beauty
and sanctity of marriage, and the honor
it is to conjoin one’s life to the heart
and hand of another . . . until death do
us part.
You may be reading this having filed
for divorce in the past, or you may be
going through a divorce right now.
David and I believe in the power of
marriage, and we have committed to
staying together forever. But in cases of
abuse and violence, we do not condone
staying in a marriage when you feel
unsafe. If you find yourself in harm’s
way, get out. Abuse is never okay, and
it is never okay to subject yourself to
abuse. Please do not misunderstand
that fact. In our case, for David and
me, we wanted to remove the option
of divorce because we both needed
security. But over time the wedding ceremony
has changed. The vows have now
become something to breeze by,
upstaged by all kinds of other things:
the twenty bridesmaids, the horse
and carriage, the expensive dress and
reception, and let’s not forget the wild
bachelor parties. Don’t get me wrong!
All of these things are wonderful if the
bride and groom decide to have them.
But as Tam and I raise our daughters
(who are preparing to be brides
themselves), one thing we always say
to them is, “Don’t spend so much time
planning the wedding that you forget
to prepare for the marriage.” Marriage
is a beautiful gift, but it is also a
commitment. Anyone can fall in love,
but marriage takes work. A wedding
ceremony will last for one hour, but a
marriage will last for a lifetime. When
it comes to my life, it’s Christ, it’s Tam,
and then everything else. Nothing has
equal weight to my marriage because I
am committed to this beautiful queen.
When I looked into her eyes thirty years
Tam and I get asked all the time,
“How have you stayed married for so
long?” My simple answer is, God plus
commitment. We committed to God
first, and we committed to one another
second. It’s no secret.
Marriage has been on the decline in
America for quite some time. One of
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