members, volunteers, a coworker, or
our own children, they see and know far
more than we realize. I first learned this
principle when our church was small
and I was able to do some counseling.
Whenever I met with a struggling
couple, I would ask them to tell me
about their families of origin. Without
fail, they would tell me lots of things
their parents had no idea they knew
about. This was true even in households
where the parents worked hard to hide
stuff. Whether it was a porn stash, a
secret habit, debt collectors, closed-
door arguments, infidelity, or any other
carefully concealed secret or vice, the
kids always knew. They just never let
on they knew. And more often than not,
the things their parents thought they
had hidden well ended up being a major
contributor to the mess their kids were
in years later. Even our best-kept secrets
seldom remain secrets for long. People
talk.
a secret as long as two of them are dead
is true. Eventually, almost everything
will come to light. Which is one reason I
try to live my life by the newspaper rule:
if I can’t live with something being on
the front page of the local newspaper, I
just don’t do it.
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The old axiom that three people can keep
Larry Osborne
Larry Osborne is a teaching pastor at North Coast
Church in northern San Diego County. North Coast
is widely recognized as one of the most influential
and innovative churches in America. Osborne speaks
extensively on the subjects of leadership and spiritual
formation. His books include Sticky Teams, Sticky
Church, 10 Dumb Things Smart Christians Believe, and
Spirituality for the Rest of Us. He and his wife, Nancy,
live in Oceanside, California.
12 • Solutions