set this up and I’m not changing it.”
I let it go for a few weeks, but every
time I mowed, I would get to that side
of the lawn and my blood would start
boiling. I was thinking some not-very-
nice thoughts about Tom. What is
wrong with him?
Then it hit me one day while I was on
my John Deere stewing about the idiot
next door: It isn’t Tom who needs to
change. It is me.
What was wrong with my heart that
I was allowing this hate to grow over
how much a guy waters his lawn? He
wasn’t doing this to hurt me. He was
just living his life. He wasn’t doing
anything unkind or illegal or unethical.
Yet I was building him into a monster in
my own mind because he was messing
up my perfect little lawn.
Perhaps you have experienced a
similar situation. Have you considered,
what is it that makes us respond in an
unloving way? Why do we so quickly
assume that person is an idiot or a jerk
or whatever term you choose?
I’d like to suggest there are three things
you can do that will tangibly help you
become a more loving person.
1. Create Space in Your Life
Everything in our culture is telling us
to ignore margins. Spend more money
than you make. Work longer and harder.
Drive faster. Do more. Be more. Buy
more.
But when we don’t intentionally leave
space in our life, we become individuals
who are not very loving. Why? Because
we’ve filled our schedule and have no
time left for the people around us.
A few years ago, I was eating outside
at a restaurant in Miami. I watched
a guy come in off the street and
approach each table, one-by-one. He
was obviously looking for money, and
so I assume he was homeless.
At each table, he was quickly turned
away. People just wanted to eat
their meals without being disturbed.
That is, until he approached the
table next to us. I had noticed these
two gentlemen having some type of
business discussion. Upon the arrival
of “Homeless Harry”, they instantly
gave this vagrant their full attention.
I’m guessing he asked for money, but
it was the response of the man at the
table that still sticks with me all these
years later:
“I might be able to help you. But I’d
love to hear your story first.”
And he listened, patiently, asking more
questions, seeking to understand. He
didn’t condemn. He didn’t shoo him
away. He didn’t demean him. He treated
this man with dignity. He intently
listened to his story. He expressed
compassion. And then he gave him a
twenty-dollar bill. This man had space
in his life for this “interruption.”
I left that experience convicted of the
need to create space in my life.
2. Remove the Things That Make You
Unloving
Solutions • 7