Literally came apart at the emotional
seams. If I could, I’d wave my magic
wand over each and every person
in the world and instantly allow them
to experience the profound treasures
of practicing silence and solitude,
but I can’t. It requires intentionality
and discipline. Busyness isn’t going
away, but it can be managed. I
don’t promise easy, but I do promise
empowering. One of the simplest
ways to find solitude is to make room
for it to happen. When I first began
my own journey into this practice, I
sat in my bedroom closet. In the dark.
I was so worn out that I had no words
left, only, “Help me, God.” I call this
my “three-word whisper prayer.” By
making room, we invite God into a
quiet place—our hearts—and begin
connecting. One minute will turn
into two and before you know it,
your soul’s craving for peace and
rest is satisfied. Silence is no longer
a stranger but your very best friend.
Someone you can’t live without.
and hyper-responsibility is a learned
trait, but I continue to hear women
express their dire need for rest and
underneath that lies their deep cry
for contentment. Instead of putting
the oxygen mask on first, because
it feels so selfish to do so (at least to
me), we give and give until there is
nothing left to give. As I’ve wrestled
with this notion of “self-love,” I sensed
that somewhere, somehow, the
words of Jesus in Mark 12:28-32 have
been sorely misconstrued. Agape
love, as Jesus taught, means, “to
welcome, to entertain, to be fond of,
to love dearly.” I always come away
from this teaching with one thought,
“How can I love others well if I don’t
love myself well?” There is a tension
here and this is a tough subject. Just
saying the words, “self-love,” or “self-
care,” or “self-preservation,” makes
me feel very selfish, but somewhere
on my faith journey, I picked up faulty
thinking on this. When we understand
the true meaning of being a “selfish”
person, i.e., egocentric, self-centered,
Q: You hit upon a very important
self-absorbed, self-obsessed,” we
topic, self-love, and you ask the
come to terms that this is very dif-
question, “Isn’t this selfish?” You
ferent than the love Jesus spoke of
share, “We put everyone else first. It
is expected of us. At least that is what in this powerful passage. He bids us
to “come away and rest,” (Matthew
we expect of ourselves.” Tell us why
you feel loving ourselves is so critical. 11:28-30) and invites us to intimacy with
him (Genesis 3:8).
A: My personality-type lends itself
Q: You say that “shedding comes
to be “the helper, the fixer, and
before collecting.” Can you give us
the doer,” for sure, and I am an
a few examples of what we can shed
adult child of an alcoholic, so the
from our lives that will enable us to
propensity towards co-dependency
Solutions 51