reveals the person to themselves, but it reveals the person to you. Things you may not have understood suddenly become clear. You begin to know the person on a different level. Or you begin to understand the subject matter on a different level. Your perspective is shifted.
Open up the conversation rather than closing it down. Generally speaking, open-ended questions are more powerful than closed-ended questions that lead to one-word answers. The goal of a powerful question is to move the conversation forward in a meaningful way. You can do that more quickly with questions that invite a person to share their insights, feelings, and thoughts.
Light and neutral. The heavier the subject matter, the more important it is to ask the question in a light and neutral way. Notice, I didn’ t say make serious subject matter funny or make light of a serious matter. I said the way in which the question is asked is light and neutral. This takes practice. Once you are able to pull it off, you’ ll find that people will sometimes talk about even the most difficult of subjects with you. Why? Because when the space in which you discuss a matter is light and neutral— without judgment, without fear— it feels as if that space has the capacity to handle something heavy. The more fear that surrounds a topic, the more important it is that there is a safe space in which to discuss the topic without negative consequence. So practice your tone of voice and voice inflection for asking powerful questions. Practice speaking calmly, maintaining neutral, soft body language and a tone of voice that does not give away your opinions about the topic— all of which can influence how a person responds to your question.
Valorie Burton is a bestselling author, speaker, and life coach dedicated to helping people get unstuck and be unstoppable in every area of life. She is the founder of The Coaching and Positive Psychology( CaPP) Institute and has served as a Certified Personal and Executive Coach to hundreds of clients in over 40 states and ten countries. She has written ten books, including her latest, Successful Women Speak Differently.
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