reveals the person to themselves , but it reveals the person to you . Things you may not have understood suddenly become clear . You begin to know the person on a different level . Or you begin to understand the subject matter on a different level . Your perspective is shifted .
Open up the conversation rather than closing it down . Generally speaking , open-ended questions are more powerful than closed-ended questions that lead to one-word answers . The goal of a powerful question is to move the conversation forward in a meaningful way . You can do that more quickly with questions that invite a person to share their insights , feelings , and thoughts .
Light and neutral . The heavier the subject matter , the more important it is to ask the question in a light and neutral way . Notice , I didn ’ t say make serious subject matter funny or make light of a serious matter . I said the way in which the question is asked is light and neutral . This takes practice . Once you are able to pull it off , you ’ ll find that people will sometimes talk about even the most difficult of subjects with you . Why ? Because when the space in which you discuss a matter is light and neutral — without judgment , without fear — it feels as if that space has the capacity to handle something heavy . The more fear that surrounds a topic , the more important it is that there is a safe space in which to discuss the topic without negative consequence . So practice your tone of voice and voice inflection for asking powerful questions . Practice speaking calmly , maintaining neutral , soft body language and a tone of voice that does not give away your opinions about the topic — all of which can influence how a person responds to your question .
Valorie Burton is a bestselling author , speaker , and life coach dedicated to helping people get unstuck and be unstoppable in every area of life . She is the founder of The Coaching and Positive Psychology ( CaPP ) Institute and has served as a Certified Personal and Executive Coach to hundreds of clients in over 40 states and ten countries . She has written ten books , including her latest , Successful Women Speak Differently .
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