marriages that exploded with a
husband’s porn addiction or with an
inability to celebrate intimacy because
there were so many years of “no, it’s
bad.” And we are left thinking, What
now? Is there a better way?
And so many in our culture believe this
underlying narrative that, to be truly
free, there must be no restrictions.
put it on land? It dies. The land isn’t
freedom—the fish wasn’t made for it.
Or take the ultimate cliché of human
adventure—skydiving. At the moment
you feel most free, you are actually
incredibly restricted. By a suit, straps,
and a backpack with a parachute. Take
off those restrictions? You die.
Don’t tell me sex should only be in
marriage.
Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do with
my body.
And people will ask us sometimes,
“Can I have sex before marriage?”
Of course you can. You can do whatever
you want. That’s just a bad question.
The better questions are: What will
give you the most life? What will give
you the most joy? What will give you
the most wholeness?
The question isn’t, how do I take off
all restrictions? The question is, what
restrictions are going to lead to the
most freedom?
And for sex, that’s marriage.
Sex is incredible, life-giving, joyful, and
intimate and doing exactly what it’s
supposed to be doing—in a covenant.
We’ve bought this lie that personal
freedom is the ultimate goal. But it
makes me want to ask, what’s true
freedom? To me, true freedom has
restrictions inherently built in. To
have true freedom, you have to have
restrictions. But when it’s with someone who has
made no commitment to you for life, it
breeds death. Even though it may feel
like freedom for the moment, just like
the skydiver without a chute, sooner or
later you will hit the ground.
I once heard someone say a fish is truly
free in the water—where it can flourish,
eat and live out its full existence. But if
you take the fish out of the water and Because the truth is, if we are letting
our bodies say something (I want to
be one with you) that our lives aren’t
willing to (not married, so not fully
Solutions • 63