Jottings years away , taken by the brand new James Webb Space Telescope . He was later forced to admit that the picture was actually a slice of chorizo sausage . Telling porkies then , Eitienne ?
… Gloucestershire Police who began “ urgent enquiries ” on August 12 after a member of the public claimed to have seen a man ’ s body being loaded into the boot of a car on the A38 road in Blakeney . The investigation revealed that the body was actually a realistic mannequin used in water rescue exercises .
… Alberto Nonini , an 18-year-old Italian athlete , who entered the 400 metre race at the World Athletics U20 Championships in California last month . However , he decided not to put on any underwear beneath his running shorts , and the inevitable happened . Half-way round the course , Nonini noticed that everything was not where it should be and had to use his hands to cover his … er … embarrassment . He finished last .
And finally …
The inaugural Scottish Tree Hugging Championships were held at Ardtornish in Lochaber at the end of July . Events included hugging as many trees in one minute and the most inventive way of hugging a tree . The winner was Alasdair Firth who lives on a local croft . We just thought you ought to know .
Quotes
“ The greatest stitch-up since the Bayeux Tapestry ” – Former UK prime minister Boris Johnston on being ousted from office by members of his own Conservative party .
“ They need to stick to rescuing chickens in Montecito and stay out of politics .” – Thomas Markle Junior ’ s view of his half-sister and her husband as expressed on GB News last month .
“ You don ’ t say !” – UK PM hopeful Liz Truss speaking at an election hustings last month after someone commented on illegal immigration across the English channel , “ The French are being completely uncooperative with this .”
“ If you are grouchy or irritable , or just plain rude , there will be a £ 10 charge for putting up with you .”
– Sign alleged to have been seen in a local post office somewhere in Wales . Someone commented , “ I hope this sign is double-sided …”
“ Working with senior leaders to be a forward-thinking and inclusive peoplecentred employer which embraces and values diversity , difference and lived experience ” – Job description attached to an advertisement from Doncaster and Bassetlaw Teaching Hospitals for a “ Head of Leadership , Equality Diversity and Inclusion and Wellbeing ” on a starting salary of more than £ 67,000 a year . The basic salary for junior doctors in the UK ’ s National Health Service starts at about £ 23,000 .
“ I am a rebel .” – Answer given by a young pupil to the teacher ’ s instruction , “ Describe yourself in three words .”
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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