_ Soltalk February 2023 _ Soltalk 24 / 01 / 2023 16:52 Page 26
Jottings from previous page
cars , shoelaces , flags and other items which it describes collectively as “ woke nonsense .”
However , Chief Superintendent Amanda Tillotson , from Kent Police ’ s diversity and inclusion academy ( Did we know there was such a body ?), said the force ’ s “ LGBT + crime-prevention merchandise ” helps to “ regularly remind the wider public of the importance of communities working together to support and protect each other .”
Last September , the UK ’ s Home Secretary Sue Braverman told police bosses to spend less time on “ diversity ” and to concentrate on fighting crime . She added that more attention should be given to offences such as burglary , car theft , graffiti and drugs .
Add to this a recent report which estimated that a million cases of theft and burglary were dropped over a year because police couldn ’ t find a suspect . That ’ s around 2,750 people a day whose crime reports were simply written off . Mind how you go .
Banished Words
Every New Year ’ s Eve since 1976 , the Lake Superior State University in the North-eastern US state of Michigan has released additions to its “ tongue-incheek ” Banished Words List which now totals over 1,000 entries .
Each year , words and phrases are listed which are considered to be “ misused , overused and useless ” with their inclusion vetoed for the coming 12 months . Recent years ’ entries have included guesstimate , manspreading , foodie and selfie .
The University now wants the following words to be amongst those banished during 2023 : absolutely , amazing , gaslighting and irregardless . The acronym GOAT ( Greatest of all time ) is also out of favour , along with the phrases “ Does that make sense ?” and “ It is what it is ,” plus “ moving forward ,” “ inflection point ” and “ quiet quitting .”
So , does that make sense and can we move forward irregardless ?
Top shelf crisis
Lowestoft is in crisis . The genteel seaside resort on the east coast of England has been rocked by shenanigans at the Co- Op . ( Trigger warning : this article includes language of a naughty adult nature .)
Dafydd Cowell , manager of the supermarket , has introduced a top shelf for adult brands , and the local campaign group Residents Against Everything ( RAGE ) is not impressed . The group ’ s chair , Thomas Crinch , is quoted by the Suffolk Gazette as saying , “ Well , it just isn ’ t on is it ?” and adding that he didn ’ t fight in the war just so young people can … etc . etc .
So , what ’ s on this top shelf ? Dubious adult magazines , offensive political tomes , incitement to revolution ? No . Just breakfast cereals .
Breakfast cereals which manager Dafydd has decided have names which could deprave and corrupt vulnerable kids ( as well as any adults under 5 ’ 10 ” who can ’ t reach the top shelf .)
Banished to the Co-Op wilderness are brands including Fruity Hoops ( lol ), Coco Munch ( snigger ), Cinnamon Mini- Buns ( chortle ) and Comet Balls ( guffaw ), all of which can now only be purchased by over 18s . ( And we won ’ t even mention Blueberry Muffin Toasters or Double Dip Crunch .)
No wonder RAGE has deemed the Lowestoft Co-Op ’ s top shelf to be “ filth .”
Just plain odd
Dog chews , icing flowers from a wedding cake and containers of “ unidentified frozen objects ” were some of the things unearthed during a challenge to find the most unusual objects lying forgotten in home freezers .
The contest organised by a Scottish food supplier offered £ 100 (€ 114 ) of food vouchers to the winning entrant .
This turned out to be Jacqui Baker from Bedfordshire whose freezer stores daffodil heads and ivy leaves from the months of lockdown two years ago . Apparently she uses the foliage to dye wool .
Second was a woman who keeps a frozen clementine which bears the toothmarks of her grandson who had bitten into it when he was a toddler . Aw , how sweet ! He is now 23 .
Joel Strasser from Idaho has broken his own Guinness World Record by attaching 710 Christmas decorations to his beard . Mr Strasser first broke the record in 2019 using 302 baubles , then again in 2020 with 542 , and a third time in 2021 with 686 of the glittery festive things . He says his technique has evolved and become more specialised over the years .
He already holds records for the most paper straws in a beard ( 534 ), the most toothpicks in a beard ( 3,500 ), the most golf tees in a beard ( 607 ), amongst others . “ My family think I ’ m nuts ,” he explains , adding that he ’ s thinking of adding candy canes next winter . Not just his family , then …
And some visitors to a tourist attraction in Conwy , North Wales , have reported to having been disappointed . The property
is billed as “ The Smallest House in Great Britain ,” and , being only 72 inches wide by 122 inches high ( 183 x 310 centimetres ), not many people can be inside at one time . Visitors have complained that it lacks facilities and is … er … very small .
Spare a thought for …
… Humphrey Grimmett of Buckinghamshire whose seven-year-old son Wilf decided to help is his dad clear snow from his car . Unfortunately , the lad decided to use a massive shovel to make the brand-new Tesla Model Y safe for driving . His father says that the “ massive scrapes ” will cost around £ 1,000 (€ 1,142 ) to repair .
… the unnamed Italian man who , worried about burglars , decided last summer to hide € 20,000 (€ 17,500 ) in government bonds in the chimney of his house in Rome . Unfortunately , he forgot to tell his wife who lit a fire at Christmas …
… Sophie Montague who drives across a bridge over the River Thames during her morning commute to work , but who on January 6 got it spectacularly wrong . It was only when she came up behind a line of stationary vehicles she realised she had accidently driven onto the Woolwich ferry .
But don ’ t spare thought for …
… workers in Scarborough in North Yorkshire who were instructed to repaint a sign on the road surface to help direct motorists . Obviously , however , they took
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