“ You have to put on your oxygen mask first ,” she says . “ If you go to pieces , everyone is going down with you . So you have to give time to yourself . That is healthy , not selfish or narcissistic . That is a tough concept for a lot of women .” Saltz acknowledges that free time is a scarcity for many women , but adds that even as little as 15 to 30 minutes a day to decompress will help . But you have to actually make it important and make it a habit . And you have to know yourself and know what works for you . For some , that might be exercise . Others may find a mental boost from meditation , or listening to music , or taking a bubble bath .
So how can you make time for yourself while caring for young kids ? Here are eight tips to try .
1
Practice self-care in intervals
For instance , take 15 minutes for yourself , twice a day , said Sanford , co-author of the book Life Will Never Be the Same : The Real Mom ’ s Postpartum Survival Guide . “ Don ’ t do the laundry , make dinner or read your email .” Instead , take that time to close your eyes and breathe , read a magazine or take a shower , she said .
2Ask for – imperfect – help
“ Sometimes self-care means accepting imperfect help from someone you trust , who might feed them junk food , or let them watch too much TV , or simply do things differently than you do ,” Eder said .
3Say ‘ yes ’
“ Just like it ’ s self-nurturing to say “ no ” to things that don ’ t serve you , it ’ s also self-nurturing to say “ yes ” to requests that can provide a positive distraction from the daily grind of parenting ,” Eder said . Offer to proofread your friend ’ s resume , give someone a ride or make a meal for a family who needs it .
“ This is creating a deliberate distraction to connect you with other people and remind you of the good you do in the world outside your home .” Plus , it helps you reconnect with the other parts of yourself , she said .
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4Practice mindfulness
“ Mindfulness is “ paying attention to the present moment on purpose , without judgment ,” Sanford said . And you can do this with any activity , at any time . For instance , when washing the dishes , don ’ t think about your to-do list . “ Just pay attention to the sensory experience ” of doing the dishes . When playing with your child , focus on the experience of being with them ,” she said .
Sanford also suggests her clients try this breathing exercise once in the morning and once during the day , along with this body scan as they lie down to sleep . One client , who had a baby in October , sets her morning alarm for five minutes earlier to practice the breathing exercise .
5 Fast-forward
“ It also helps to focus on the future . This creates internal space when you really can ’ t get away ,” Eder said . For instance , she suggested considering : What will your life be like in six months ? What changes will you embrace ? What will you wish you focused more on when your kids were younger ? What won ’ t matter ?
Explore future career goals or new ways to redesign your space , said Eder , who calls this “ intentional daydreaming ,” which takes into account your strengths and interests .
“ Feel free to alternate between now and the future as much as it feels helpful , without giving yourself a hard time for needing a break from today .”
6Temper your expectations
“ Another part of self-care is having realistic expectations . For instance , moms may agonize about buying the right crib , stroller or toy and creating the optimal environment for their child in order to “ raise a social , emotional and cognitive giant ,” Sanford said .
They question their every move and “ drive themselves crazy trying
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to attain a standard of perfection , which doesn ’ t exist .” But remember that “ taking good care of your baby and yourself every day is enough .”
an empathy team
“ Who are the people you can call to complain , who can hear how hard it is , without trying to fix it , deny it , or smooth it over ?” Eder said . Parenting is tough . It ’ s important to have several people you can turn to . ( Remember that talking about how exhausting and frustrating parenting can be doesn ’ t mean you don ’ t love your kids or life ).
This is especially important for parents of kids with a chronic illness or developmental concerns . Her children have severe allergic conditions , so she understands first-hand the persistent worry and challenges of managing a chronic condition .
She suggested looking for others with the same condition in your area and setting up play dates . Or find online support on Facebook or other social media sites . This way “ you can connect with similar folks when winter or illness prevent your kids from playing with their peers .”
8Ignore the naysayers
“ Some people might disapprove of you taking time out for yourself . Remember that others ’ objections are more about the discomfort within themselves than your actions ”, Sanford said . Instead , “ listen to your inner wisdom ,” and tune into your own feelings . Does an activity feel nourishing to you ? Do you feel recharged ?
The next time you feel guilty or selfish for practicing self-care , remind yourself that “ you matter too , and denying your own needs for a prolonged period does not serve anyone ,” Eder said . As Sanford noted , “ self-care isn ’ t selfish , it ’ s “ self-preserving .”