SENIORITIS STRIKES AGAIN
BY EMMA WOOTAN
If you have never heard of Senioritis then prepare
yourself for a haunting exposition into this crippling
disease. Senioritis affects millions of high school
seniors today. It strikes when they are least expectant.
Seniors are lulled into a state of ease after receiving
the acceptance letters to their chosen colleges, then
one morning they wake up unable to perform the
simplest of tasks. This extreme lack of motivation has
been documented around the globe. It even exists
right here at Shanghai Livingston American School
(SLAS).
coffee. These can be delivered as vague pieces of
advice such as, “early bird gets the worm,” “buck up
kiddo,” and the all time favorite “when I was your
age…” More extreme medication can be requesting
your parents to unexpectedly punch you in the face
the next time they see you procrastinating and sky
diving while looking at a bad report card. The only
cure for Senioritis is highly untested and also highly
volatile. It is a phenomenon known only as
graduation. Graduation is the best known cure for
Senioritis and similar diseases. Side effects include
wearing long gowns, flat square-shaped hats,
When it comes to the causes of Senioritis, doctors diplomas, responsibility, college and a career.
and experts alike are baffled, proving that this illness
is as mysterious as it is dangerous. The symptoms However terrifying Senioritis can be, there are some
vary widely. According to the prestigious Urban unforeseen benefits. Some benefits are: proficiency
Dictionary, symptoms include, “laziness, over- in extremely fast writing, expertise in forging
excessive wearing of track pants, old athletic shirts signatures, immunity from future Senioritis,
and sweatshirts. Also featuring a lack of studying, alarmingly efficient time management and mastery
repeated absences, and a generally dismissive of social networks and search engines. Its main benefit
attitude.” Sophie Wardle, a senior at SLAS, described is that it shows seniors that if they can make it through
symptoms as “slacking off, worse grades and less the second half of senior year, college can’t be that
participation.” If you or any of your friends and family bad. If this article has reminded you of yourself
are showing any of these symptoms, contact help remember that it gets better soon and that there are
immediately.
millions of teenagers around the world that are
experiencing the exact same thing you are. For juniors
Common medication mostly comes in random who are going to be seniors next year, all I can say is
pieces of advice from your dad in-between sips of good luck and don’t call me for advice.
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