Feature Article
What in the world happened to all
my friends?
by Kaci Scott
“
I took my friendships
for granted, forgetting
that, as my marriage,
the friendship needed
to be nurtured and fed
with regular contact
and with time spent
together.
“
It seems like my baby shower was just
yesterday. Over a dozen of my close
girlfriends got together to help me celebrate
the daughter that I was expecting later
that month. We talked, and laughed, and
reminisced for hours, never dreaming
that anything could get in the way of our
friendship. Most of us had been friends
since our high school days, and we had
been there to support each other through
those early days of our careers, and though
various boyfriends, breakups, and then our
marriages.
How in the world would anyone expect
that a seven pound, four ounces baby girl
could change friendships that had lasted
for so many years. I’m not sure when
things started to change. Maybe I had that
first inkling that a change was coming the
night before I went into labor. The girls all
wanted to get together for one more dinner
before the baby was born. I was exhausted
and didn’t feel quite right, and I declined.
I remember being a little disappointed the
Shelby County Moms Guide / May 2014 12
next day when I found out they went ahead
and had that group dinner without me. But
then I went into labor, and my beautiful
baby girl, Jasmine, was born. Those first few
days were so exciting; the girls checked in
on me regularly by phone and text, came by
to see Jasmine, and brought her even more
gifts. We talked a lot those first two weeks.
Jasmine slept most of the time, and my
husband was home helping me care for her.
Then he had to go back to work. Life
suddenly changed. How in the world did it
get so much harder to take care of a baby?
I was exhausted, and because he had to get
up in the morning to go to work, I got up
for those middle of the night diaper changes
and feedings by myself. When she slept
during the day, I found myself catching a
nap too. I honestly didn’t even have time
to answer the phone or a text messages.
Occasionally I’d answer with a quick “ok”,
but there never seemed to be time for a real
conversation.
When I would sign onto Facebook, I would
find dozens of unread messages. All of a
text messages were so overwhelming; I just
left them unread and unanswered. I did not
even realize my friends and I were drifting
apart. Sure, they would occasionally call or
pop by the house, but those calls and visits
became less and less frequent as I declined
the invitations to get together for coffee or
lunch. I did not want to take Jasmine out
and expose her to germs in the coffee shops
and restaurants; there was too much flu
going around. Looking back, that must have
sounded like an excuse to my friends. Now
that I think about it…it probably was an
excuse. Life does change. Marriage, having
children, a career and so many other things
dynamics shift the sands of relationships
under us, and we do not even feel them
slipping away through our toes. I took my
friendships for granted, forgetting that, as
my marriage, the friendship needed to be
nurtured and fed with regular contact and
with time spent together.
I learned that one of my close friends,