Marti Miller-Willoughby contributing writer
Aphids, Dingoes,
& Ostriches
Ah,
February – the love month! It
brings with it the sweetness of
Valentine’s Day chocolates, flowers, and mushy cards. Presidents are honored with a
holiday (and retail excuse for big sales). We turn our
gnat-like attention to nurturing a happier, healthier
heart - which in turn can conjure up the 14th day massacre, and dead-of-winter depression, and then the
dreaded Jeremiah ver ses launch a guilt-laden assault
on all that heart focus.
February may be the shortest month of the year,
but it brings with it some pretty long days and dark
nights. In a month of overflowing love, there seems
to always come an undercurrent of what is not lovely.
It’s the age-old problem of dissatisfaction with what
we think love is, instead of appreciation for the simplicity of its gift. Or, maybe it’s just me? Likely so.
One recent evening, I was spending a little too
much time viewing Facebook videos of cuddly
puppies and crazy cat antics when I came across one
about a man who could predict answers to a series
of questions without ever seeing the viewer in person (namely me). Okay, I’m game! It’ll keep me from
addressing the dirty dishes.
This video fella proceeded to ask me to come up
with answers to his seemingly harmless and easy
questions. If you want to play along, please don’t
read ahead. First, name a country that starts with
the letter “A” – like Afghanistan or Algeria – but don’t
choose either of those. Think of your own. Once you
have the country in mind, take the last letter of that
word and come up with a bug that starts with that letter. Now, using the last letter of the bug word, name
a jungle animal. With the last letter of the jungle
animal, name a bird.
He then proceeded to tell me (on the video – I’m
not THAT crazy) my answers to the bug, animal, and
bird inquiries. He was exactly correct! If you played
along and came up with the following answers, you,
poor thing, have a similar mindset. The answers I
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gave were: ANT, TIGER, and ROBIN (or RAVEN). Wow,
huh? I was impressed! Don’t ask me why he didn’t
also share the country I selected (Argentina, by the
way). I guess it doesn’t matter. I was stunned by his
accuracy.
I think of myself as a relatively creative person, one
who usually comes up with rather quirky answers for
simple questions. Though it was a fun few minutes of
idle time, I was slightly miffed that this guy could so
easily deceive me (that Jeremiah 17:9 thing).
Now fast-forward to a recent drive toward Conway
from Ketchuptown with my mostly silent husband.
I figured I could break the boredom by sharing the
ANT, TIGER, ROBIN game with him. Surely he would
come up with those answers. He doesn’t like to color outside the lines very often. He sees things most
often in black and white (Mr. Logical Linear Thinker).
I proceeded to set up the “game” by telling him
I could predict what his answers would be to a set of
questions. Being a dramatic sort, I told him in hushed
tones that I’d mysteriously write down the answers
on a slip of paper, then fold it and place it between
us as we drove along. And, I did just that – only the
“slip of paper” was a slightly used napkin. We were,
after all, rolling along in a muddy-tired man truck. I
began to set the trap, telling him to name a country
that started with “A”, etc. Only he was not to give his
answers out loud. Just think of them in his head. This
was rather difficult for him, as he tends to be a blurter.
I cannot begin to describe my shock and awe (and
subsequent outrage) when the game was over and
he shared his answers. Only one answer was even
remotely close to the expected outcome. His country
was “America”, which would have worked. But, no.
He took a shortcut through Weirdville. His answer
for bug was APHID. Are you kidding me? He picks an
obscure sap sucker of a bug that reproduces without
mating. Who chooses aphid over ant? Just wait – it
gets worse.
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