Last month I spoke at a fundraiser with a room full of caring, hardworking multifamily professionals and asked a simple question: " What ' s your why, and how do you keep it in focus?"
This question is at the heart of everything I teach and the inspiration of the presentation ' s title: You Can ' t Spell Success Without the Letter U.
Think about it. If you remove the U from success, the word falls apart. In the same way, if you take yourself out of what you ' re building( your team, your community, your career), everything falls apart too. Success only happens when you are fully involved.
Emotional Intelligence Is the Real Skillset
We spend a lot of time in this industry learning systems, software, and spreadsheets, but the skill that truly determines if we succeed with residents, teams, and ourselves is emotional intelligence. EQ has two parts: personal competence, which is how well we manage ourselves through self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation, and social competence, which is how well we handle relationships through empathy and social skills.
It is surprising that only 7 % of communication comes from the actual words we use. Tone of voice makes up 38 %, and body language is a striking 55 %. More than half of what we communicate isn ' t about what we say, but about how we show up. Having a clear plan and speaking carefully are important, but being present matters even more.
The world needs a human touch now more than ever. There are more tools at our fingertips to automate work, life and relationships than we can probably even
www. aamdhq. org imagine. The true difference makers will be those who still understand the importance of relationships, empathy, and social skills.
Creating a Ripple
I like to picture a hand touching still water. With one touch, the ripple spreads through you, into your home, your work, and your community. This is the Ripple Effect, a powerful way to think about how every interaction you have today can create change. Whether it ' s a frustrated resident, an overwhelmed teammate, or a nervous leasing prospect, the ripple you create depends on you.
Self-awareness is the foundation, because losing control of our emotions can make even smart people struggle. The main triggers I hear about in our industry are always the same: feeling disrespected, treated unfairly, unappreciated, unheard, or pressured by unrealistic deadlines. All of these are about relationships. A leader who pays attention can ease or even prevent every one of them.
Listen to Hear, Not to Respond
We often focus so much on what we ' ll say next that we miss what ' s right in front of us. Real, active listening means paying attention, holding back judgment, repeating what you heard, clarifying, summarizing, and then sharing. It also means asking better questions. Harvard Business School research shows that leaders who ask more questions are seen as more empathetic and competent. An openended“ Can you tell me more about that?” does more for your credibility than any polished answer.
When you slow down and really listen, you build trust. Trust is what separates a team that just works together from a team that wins together. No matter how great your strategy is, one person alone can ' t beat a team that trusts each other. As communication and cooperation grow, so does trust. This shifts relationships from defensive, win-lose situations to respectful compromise, and finally to win-win partnerships. That ' s where the best teams and communities thrive.
The Big Three
At the end of my Imagine That talk, I asked everyone to remember three commitments: spend time with people of integrity; live by your principles, not just your feelings; and refuse anything that tempts you to lower your standards. While many find these simple to say, they are harder to implement, but always worth it!
Your Turn to Ripple
Success was never meant to happen without you. Here’ s an activity from my presentation to help you get started: Think of one area of your life where you want to make a bigger impact. It could be at home, at work, or in your community. Then, choose one action you’ ll take this week to make it happen. Once your ripple starts, I guarantee it will continue to grow farther and farther.
Our industry is strengthened by the ripples that impact other ' s careers and futures. That ' s what it ' s all about. Show up fully. Listen generously. Lead with trust. Then see how far your ripple can travel.
Dr. Debbie Phillips, CPM ® is the founder of The Quadrillion
TRENDS SEPTEMBER 2026 | 19