Sepia Prime Woman Digital Magazine December 2013 | Page 14

Loving: InTraci Childress Getting
All Thy
Pastors Charles &

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A Conversation About Results In Marriage
Traci Says:
My husband and I have been working with the couple’s
ministry at our church for over 17 years, and in that time
we see repeatedly that success in the marriage is always
associated with the word “understanding.” Achieving
understanding doesn’t require workshops or counseling,
but when help is needed couples will go from one workshop
to another or from one book or website to another, trying
to find something that will resolve the conflict they are
experiencing in their relationship.
Charles Says:
Let’s consider this dilemma from another angle. One of
the characteristics of any successful salesperson is their
understanding of and their ability to sell benefits as
opposed to features. What’s the difference you say? It is
the difference between accumulating information and
implementing it. A prospective buyer wants to know
how a product or service will change their lives. How
will it make their day to day tasks easier, or how they will
have more time to do the things they love? Those are
benefits. Features are FACTS. Would you rather taste the
silky chocolate filling of a Godiva hazelnut truffle rolling
around your tongue, or read the package? The answer
seems obvious, yet many couples are spending their time
analyzing the package.
Traci Says:
Now I want to interject that as workshop facilitators, we’re
not against methods of discovery, a jumpstart can be very
effective, but couples have to take the time to use what they
have gained to bring light to the situation. My premise is
that when we can understand the mutual benefit of using
what we’ve learned, we are more motivated to act.
Charles Says:
It’s easy for many couples to unwittingly become caught up
in the collecting of information, just like reading label after
label so to speak without ever eating the truffle. Stop the
madness! Information is wonderful, tips and tricks for a
healthy relationship gleaned from books, websites, seminars
and magazine articles is valuable and can be extremely
helpful to your marriage… after all, that’s what this is right?
But if you’re ever learning and never doing, it won’t benefit
anyone.
Traci Says:
Usually methods of improvement will involve simple
steps that won’t seem too impressive like the practice of
saying something positive daily, learning to say thank
you, or touching each other regularly throughout the
day. On the surface these things seem benign, so some
may try it with no expectation and then write it off as
“not working for them,” but do we really understand why

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those simple actions are important to the one we love? In
regular touching, for instance, when you touch your mate
endorphins are released, which creates a sense of caring
and pleasure, while calming your body and relieving the
stresses of the day. And simple touching builds intimacy.
Can a relationship benefit from that? Do we understand the
impact it has with regular practice? Often the answer is no,
which explains why neither time nor attention is given to
the practice of simply touching throughout the day.
Charles Says:
There is no silver bullet; no scrumptious piece of secret
information that once learned will magically restore a dying
marriage to a thriving one. Instead of acc umulating more
and more knowledge, slow down, take a moment to listen,
get understanding, and then do the simple things you know.
I’m not talking about a quick test drive to see if it works. If
you’re just testing to see if it works, it likely won’t (you’re
much too smart to fool yourself). Believe me, you don’t
need a new list of steps to improve your marriage, that’s just
more information, but if you will commit yourself to doing
something you have already learned, you will find that
without your notice, your marriage will steadily become
filled with love, understanding, cooperation and fun…one
truffle at a time.
Traci Says:
So what are you waiting for? Life is short, eat more
chocolate! Resist the tendency to accumulate and
implement some of those marriage tips you have saved in a
workshop folder, underlined in a book, or bookmarked on
the internet. Decide this will be a season of giving yourself
to the practice.
Bringing it home, our marriage ministry, The Marriage
Network, would like to invite you to practice on Saturday,
January 4, 2014 at the “Planning Your Passions Together”
breakfast and workshop 10a-12:30p. Enjoy the food,
fellowship, and the fun that you are going to plan with your
spouse for the New Year 2014. The deadline to register is
December 27th. For more information, visit our website
www.funinmarriage.net.
Charles & Traci Childress oversee
The Marriage Network, a ministry
that empowers couples to see their
relationship as more than just cohabitating, but as an opportunity to
be a dynamic force in their homes,
community, and extended family. You
can find them at:
www.funinmarriage.net