Scribes with Scrolls Falling Into Grace | Page 18

A Glimpse of

God's Love

By Judith Vander Wege

"Babe, we just need to let her go. It won't help to agonize about it," Martin said. He gently squeezed my hand. I marveled at his calmness, knowing his heart must ache about his teenage daughter, who had run away the day before, three weeks after our wedding.

"I'm not blaming you, Babe. We can't protect her if she insists on her own way."

Although he agreed with my discipline, I felt I'd failed. I also felt cheated because I hadn't had enough time to win her over. My thoughts went back and forth. How could I have handled it differently? I should have...what?

I couldn't answer that question.

Neither could I figure out how I could have lived the earlier part of my life differently. A few years earlier, when my husband of 17 years divorced me, I felt love-starved and vulnerable. Losing my trust that God loved me, because he didn't answer my prayers the way I wanted, led to an oppressive confusion. Because I was spiritually and emotionally sick, I’d fallen into an adulterous relationship with a drug addict/alcoholic, whom I thought I could ‘save.’ Because of that, my kids wouldn't stay with me, either. My life was a mess.