When I first read about all that Jesus endured before going on the Cross, as a kid, I was like, “Wow.” When I read it after my carnal mind had been replaced-I’ve always been saved, but, was carnal minded-I felt SHAME. When I read it after being in a relationship with Christ, I felt ANGER, at what they did to Him, whom I considered, MY Friend, my Redeemer and my All-in-all (everything).
I felt the SHAME, when I looked at all he had endured for me and I wasn’t even thought of yet. I looked over my life and thought of all the men, the drinking, the fights, the way I treated people and the way I was living my life. None of it was good. I looked at how bad He was beaten and spoken to and knew that what I read didn’t even explain or tell the full scope of what happened or what He really suffered on my behalf.
All because of God’s love. God’s love for me. His love for you. His love for all of us.
When I thought of the life I was living and had lived, the SHAME, the SHAME of who I was caused the tears to flow. I must state here, that I’m not an emotional person, nor am I a person of many words and nor am I one who can express my true feelings. But, I knew the tears of SHAME. They flowed and all I could do was drop my head and tell Him how sorry I was.
Sorry for how I lived my life. Sorry for turning my back on God. Sorry for saying and trying to make myself believe He didn’t exist. I was just plain sorry for disappointing Him over and over and over and over and over again.
When those tears fell, I knew there was no going back to the life I used to live. Those tears said more than my mouth, my heart and my soul ever could. Those tears said more than I’m sorry. They said more than forgive me. They said more then I repent. It was as though it was at that point, I placed myself on the altar for Him (Jesus) to do what He wanted with me.
Years later, when I saw “The Passion of the Christ”, the ANGER and the rage I felt at what they did to Jesus far outweighed the shame I felt years ago. Don’t get me wrong, there was some shame there, but it wasn’t as overwhelming as it was years ago.
I sat there fuming. “How dare they treat my Friend like that???” I fumed. I wanted to jump through the screen and snatch that cat-of-nine-tails out of their hands and beat them!!!
And, once again, the tears flowed. This time they flowed because I KNEW He took each lash for me, He took them for YOU, as well!!! I sat there, with tears flowing and feeling helpless. I felt helpless because there was nothing I could do to stop the beating He was getting.
Matthew 27:27-31
Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole garrison around Him. And they stripped Him and put a scarlet robe on Him. When they had twisted a crown of thorns, they put it on His head, and a reed in His right hand. And they bowed the knee before Him and mocked Him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” Then they spat on Him, and took the reed and struck Him on the head. And when they had mocked Him, they took the robe off Him, put His own clothes on Him, and led Him away to be crucified.
ENDURED: For US