Rumination Fugue Publication Rumination Fugue Publication | Page 71

After meeting Tyler, another protagonist (or another personality of him), and exchange ideas in a bar after the explosion of “my” apartment, the Fight Club is born. In the club, when people fight, they take it seriously. “I want you to hit me as hard as you can.” (Palahniuk 116) The eagerness to fight embodies a pathway to temporarily escape from the inner self and complicate emotions, and to simply focus on physical fights. Bleeding and injuries are signs that they exist in the world. Pain and hardships are proofs that they exist. This kind of psychological mechanism, apart from literal description in the novel, also mirrors in the real world. Self-harm exemplifies a way of expressing and dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. It includes anything we do to intentionally injure ourselves, such as cutting, burning, and hitting. The amount of people engaging in self-harm reaches a huge number in the U.S. Data shows that “Each year, 1 in 5 females and 1 in 7 males engage in self injury.” (HealthyPlace) We may find confusing for people to behave in such a hurtful way. The ones who have personally performed self-harm reported their motivations as to gain more control over themselves and their lives and to feel more connected to the reality. In the interview, some people suffering from self-harm says that “It’s a way to have control over my body because I can’t control anything else in my life.” “I usually feel like I have a black hole in the pit of my stomach, at least if I feel pain it’s better than feeling nothing.” It seems like for them, life is so miserable and well above control that they have to cut themselves to gain power. What appears harrowing to the me is that people who commit self-harm construct their reality with pain and darkness. It seems that their percep- tion of existence has to be confirmed by blood. Sounds familiar? The protagonist posts desire to be physically injured several times in the novel. For instance, “Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains.” (Palahniuk 62) And this, for “me”, reflects how “I” seek pleasure and find “my” voice. “I’m saying HELLO to everybody at work. HELLO! Look at me. HELLO! This is BLOOD.” (Palahniuk 64) He also regards such idea as “enlightened”. No matter making such claim when sober or mad, the protagonist transfers the information to readers that blood and injuries constitutes indispensable parts of his life—he needs them to feel pleas- ant and proud. Apart from self-harm, the search for recognition and realness also occurs in sports-related activities. The identity theory in sports mainly conceptualizes identity as an