“REALITY” appears as a common yet vague word. We frequently hear people say
and read articles containing such word. But despite physically living in it, few of us
clearly knows what the reality is and how people construct it. The official definition from
a dictionary might aid us in understanding it. The Oxford English Dictionary formally
defines reality as “the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an
idealistic or notional idea of them.”
Another keyword in this essay is self-abuse. Self-abuse, such as cutting and fight-
ing, sometimes appear in news medias and is often heatedly discussed. While focusing on
its cruelty, the psychological motivation is sometimes overlooked. Its hidden reason turns
out as a mystery for people like me who have never underwent this kind of experience.
The similar scene takes place in the short novel Fight Club written by Chuck Palahniuk.
Scrutinizing the characters may help shed light on our comprehension of self-harm and
other related behaviors. In the story, people voluntarily engage in violent fights to feel
more connected to reality.
The story starts off with a nameless character “me”. “I” have insomnia (but it’s in
fact schizophrenia or dissociative personality disorder. The character at that time fails to
realize it), in which he describes the feeling in the novel as “Everything is so far away, a
copy of a copy of a copy. The insomnia distance of everything, you can’t touch anything
and nothing can touch you.” (Palahniuk 21 and 96) The feeling of emptiness drives “me”
crazy—he even has to go to a support group for cancer patients to seek sense of security
and care, in other words, attention from people around. The initial perception of being
“distance of everything” serves as a trigger for “me” to take place in fights, as their
accompanying physical pain is what ensures the protagonist that he is still alive somehow,
that he is real.
Another possible reason for fighting is the desire to abandon the old self and start a
new life. For some reason he doesn’t say, the protagonist mysteriously feels that his life is
integrated. “At the time, my life just seemed too complete, and maybe we have to break
everything to make something better out of ourselves.” (Palahniuk 52) But this still isn’t
good news. Instead of filling up the hole of the protagonist’s inner world, the completion
of life simply makes the situation worse. He craves for damage and injuries. “Only if
we’re caught and punished can we be saved.” (Palahniuk 141) The willingness to break
the perfection becomes a hint to the bloody fight that ensues.